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OBLIGATORY FILLER MATERIAL – Giving thanks edition: Kickin’ around Caracas, Pt. 5

Continuing… (It's Part 6 in the saga, I fucked up. Sorry.)
So, after a few re-fueling and impromptu cigar-purchasing stops in South and Central America, we wheel up to the deserted jetway at LAX.
“Thought we were going to Elmendorf?” I asked.
“This isn’t it?” the pilot replied, feigning worry.
“No.”, I replied, “Looks like California. Fruits and nuts. All around. What’s going on? One minute we’re off to Texas, then Cali, then Texas again, now we end up here at the California airport of the iconic tower.”
“Yeah, it’s confusing enough haulin’ civilians around. But when we get a call from Virginia, we tend to comply without any questions,” the pilot explains.
“Aw, shit!”, I sort of exclaim, “Rack and Ruin called?”
“Yeah”, the pilot replies, “Figures you’d know these guys. They said they were closer to LAX rather than Texas and had us divert here. In fact, you look over there, see that dark blue Chevy? That’s them; and evidently, your ride.”
I tipped the airman from earlier a couple of cigars as he helped me with my gear off the plane and into the trunk of Rack and Ruin’s plain-Jane blue late modeled Chevy. Had to move the Sidewinder Missiles off to one side, though.
“Most honorable Agents Lack and Luin!” I quipped in my faux-racist greeting. “What the hell, guys? I’ve got to get to Japan and get some newly rigidified digits.”
“Let’s see your hand”, Agent Rack asks. “Nasty.”
“Yeah”, I sigh “And with the medicos in South America and their penchant for plaster, I don’t so much have a left hand as more of an ankylosaur tail.”
“Or Thagomizer”, Agent Ruin tittered. “Anyone gives you grief, and one upside the head should set them right. Or dead.”
“You’re a riot, Ruin.” I replied, “But not entirely incorrect.”
We all agreed that I really didn’t need any extra accouterments to make myself look more dangerous. I mean with my severe haircut, stern beard clip, and perpetual ‘Go fuck yourself’ scowl.
“Yeah”, I replied, stroking the aforementioned beard, “I just can’t get that. I’m such a people person.”
After Agents Rack and Ruin finished drying their eyes from laughing what I thought was en extremis, we finally got down to business.
“So, what’s the skinny, guys”, I asked. “New marching orders?”
“No. Not as such”, Agent Ruin said, still sniggering over my ‘people person’ comment.
I see we’re moving. Agent Rack is just driving casually, like Chewbacca when they were waiting to see if the Empire went for that expensive Bothan code.
“Then, what?” I asked, getting a slight bit piqued.
“Well”, Agent Ruin noted, “When you went to South America, you took some of your artillery collection with, correct?”
“You know I did. You even made some snide comments about my personal choice of sidearms and their ‘excessive’ calibers, if memory serves”, I reiterated.
“And if you are proceeding normally, as you always do, they’re all nestled in the trunk of this very car. All cleaned, quiet, unloaded, and smelling sweetly of Hoppe’s Number 9 and WD 40, correct?” Rack inquired.
“Yes?” I cautiously venture.
“Well, ya’ big dummy, do you think they’re going to let you saunter into Tokyo armed like the Third Fleet?” Agent Ruin chuckled.
“Um…well…I do have a Diplomatic Passport.” I ventured.
“That’s not going to work this time.”, Agent Ruin said, shaking his head. “They’re tighter than Dick’s Hatband about sidearms. Want to bring in your Rigby SXS .500 Nitro Express double rifle? Not a problem. Sidearms, especially in your alien hunting calibers, nope.”
Well, that’s just….*dandy!”, I reply, semi-put out. “Now what the hell am I going to do?”
“Ever think that’s why Ruin and I are here, now?”, Rack asks.
“And here I thought it was just so you could bask in the warm glow of my fucking wonderful personality. Or that you actually cared about me as a real goddamn human”, I joshed.
“Ummm…yeah”, Rack replies, “There’s no way we can answer that without going on some Deadpool list. “
I agreed.
“OK, here’s the deal: you get your sidearms, ammunition, speed loaders, brass knuckles, Asp, laser range finders, Sap, Zeiss scopes, Kukri, Wisconsin Cheese Whittler, Buck folding skinner, Marine K-Bar, those two ultra-illegal Cheburkov Cobra titanium switchblades...”
“Three. Olga the KGB lady sent me one for Geologist’s Day.”
“Ahem. Those three ultra-illegal Cheburkov switchblades, that Wyoming Speedholer, your MASER Time-Distance Computer, garrote, pocket rail gun and whatever else lethal you carry and deposit it in the iron box in the trunk. We’ll ensure that it’s delivered to Esme post-haste. And by post-haste I mean one of our guys will deliver it personally.”
“Well…I suppose”, I conceded, “But best send someone who’s been to the house recently. I don’t know how much bigger Khan has grown since I left on this little fantasy trip. Wouldn’t want a star on the wall in Langley for someone eaten by a mastiff. Want to see a picture….Oh, bother. That’s right. My phone’s at the bottom of fucking Lake Maracaibo.”
“Good point”, Ruin interjects, “Guess we’ll do a little road trip and deliver it ourselves. Best call Esme and let her know what’s going on.”
“I have no objections to your proposals. Please give Esme this when you see her. I had some luck in the Calaveras Casino and if I don’t send her some mad money. Ouch. She’ll never forgive me for not taking her along to Japan.” I asked.
“But I thought Esme hated Japan? Too crowded and too ‘fussy’, I believe was her estimation.” Ruin asked.
“Yes, but once she saw the Ginza, all bets were off. Shopping the likes of which even Allah himself hasn’t seen.” I replied, slowly shaking my head.
“I see”, Ruin said, “Well, since you’re off to Sapporo, perhaps you can do a recon for Esme on the shopping there.”
“Not bad. Not bad at all.”, I smiled, “Now I know why I let you guys hang around with me.”
So, as advertised, I am now standing on the tarmac at LAX, basically feeling naked.
“Can’t I keep just one switchblade?” I moaned to Agent Rack.
“Go ahead, if you’re really keen on donating it to Japanese customs”, he replied.
“Fuckbuckets.” I groused.
“There, there now. That’s the usual Dr. Rocknocker of which we’re all so fond.” Agent Ruin chuckled.
“Remember, you do have that wallet-sized credit card gizmo from the Company. So you’re not entirely ‘naked’. Think of it as an emergency breechcloth.” He smiled.
“I’d like a larger model if you don’t mind. It’s chilly out here.” I joshed.
After Agents Rack and Ruin stripped me metaphorically naked as they de-weaponized me, they handed me a Business Class ticket to Tokyo, and a pass to the Japan Airlines Hospitality Suite and Lounge.
“So sorry you guys can’t hang around and have a few farewell snorts”, I chided, “But you’ve got a bit of a drive, so best be off before the weather turns to shit.”
“Who says we’re driving?” Agent Rack asked as he hooked a thumb over his shoulder at the ready and waiting C-130 cargo plane currently taxiing slowly in our direction.
“Well, in that case”, I smiled even more broadly, “Let’s invite the flight crew to join us. That’ll make the flight home all that much more interesting.”
After near tear-jerking farewell sentimentalities, i.e., “Piss on you”, “Get stuffed” and “Take a fuckin’ hike”; Agents Rack and Ruin, my weapons and the Agency’s plain-Jane Blue Chevy were all nestled snugger than buggers in ruggers in the belly of the thundering C-130.
Now truly on my own, I trudge the hundred thousand or so centisteps to my departure terminal, make a quick recon that my flight’s still slated to go in a generally westward direction, and hightail it to the nearest courtesy desk to ask for a motorized cart to take me and my remaining luggage to the JAL Hospitality Suite.
Hey. I’m old, infirm, and currently among the walking wounded.
Anyone that disagrees risks an Ankylosaur tail club swat or Thagomizer to the skull.
Finally ensconced in the JAL Hospitality Suite, Polo Lounge of course; I was drinking Tokyo Teas (3 oz. vodka, 2 oz. gin, 2 oz. rum, 1 oz. triple sec, 1 oz. Midori, good splash of lime juice, a slight splash of 7-Up (diet, of course), over ice with a lime wheel) with Pabst Blue Ribbon Extra 1844 chasers and Hangar One’s “Fog Point” vodka on the side, hiding from the brutish realities of this foul year of two thousand and twenty-something, Common Era…
I’ve already called Esme and we’ve had a good, long chat. She still managed to give me her shopping list for whenever I find myself bored on the Ginza.
She’ll be shocked when she learns that I’m not going to be in Tokyo long, but have 1st class tickets on the Bullet Train to Sapporo. Still, I’ll probably find myself in Pole Town or the Stellar Place there, trading piles of US greenbacks for locally produced Japanese curios and clothing.
I can hardly wait.
I order another round of drinks, as the wonderful attendants in the Hospitality Suite were bored out of their skulls because of the COVID-induced drop-in customers flying anywhere that requires a hospitality room stay, and I was virtually the only one around. They tried their level best to outdo each other when it comes to Japanese efficiency and friendliness.
After a couple of hours, they ask if I would like something from the grill, as the day chef had “the COVID” and the night chef just arrived. A quick perusal of the menu and I chose a 28-ounce dry-aged Porterhouse and another round of drinks.
I usually don’t like to eat too much before I fly, but JAL tells me the flight is going to be virtually empty, something like <121 pax, all told, so restroom availability shouldn’t be too much of a concern.
Plus, who am I to say no to a free, blue 28-ounce dry-aged Porterhouse?
There was a bit of difficulty conveying to the chef through the intermediaries of the hospitality just how I wanted my steak.
“Blue,” I said.
“Brue?” was the reply.
“Rare. Very, very rare.” I continued.
Look of total bewilderment.
I drag out my Personal Language Pro, speak “Steak, very, very rate” into the infernal gizmo, and hand the contraption to the attendant.
“珍しい、非常に珍しいステーキ?”[ Mezurashī, hijō ni mezurashī sutēki?]
“Raw! Nama!” I say, louder than need be.
They toddle off to find the chef.
“How is it sir, that you would like your steak cooked?” he asks.
“Very rare. Just a minute or two per side. Inside still cold.” I instructed.
All I got for the trouble was a puzzled smile.
“Give me the language gizmo…” I type in a few words…
“お尻を洗い、角をノックオフして、ここから出してください”
[O shiri o arai,-kaku o nokkuofu shite, koko kara dashite kudasai.]
“Wash its ass, knock its horns off, and walk it out here.”
“OH!” as the lightbulb pops. “Rare. Got it! Excellent!” the chef laughs and zips back to the kitchen.
Like I always say, I’m nothing if not the international ambassador of amity and goodwill.
“Crack tubes!”
Dinner was fantastic. I do wish I could have somehow mailed the Porterhouse bone back home for Khan. After that hambone incident, he might even taste it.
Finally on the plane, in an almost empty Business Class, the flight captain informs us that we’re headed to Haneda Airport Tokyo and anyone not headed in that direction better ‘haul ass off’ the flight or forever hold their peace.
Late-night international flights tend to be a bit more wooly than your average Chicago to Omaha gig.
Especially when the flight’s damn near empty and we have the next 12 hours or so to be best friends.
We taxi, turn and head into the wind. I’m doctoring up a couple of dossiers and keeping my personal cabin attendant, Luna since there were two of us in Business and two business flight attendants, busy with her trying to play ‘Stump the Geologist’.
“I’ll bet you never had this before.” She beamed and handed me a tumbler of very dangerous-looking brown liquor.
I cautiously sniff, take a modest gulp, swirl and glug the rest down.
“Ohishi Single Sherry Cask”, I say with a muffled belch. “Light. Fruity. An Englishman’s drink.”
“Oh. You knew. Let me try again.” She smiles beatifically.
“I have no objections to your proposal.” I smile as nicely as this crotchety old Komodo Dragon could.
She returns with another flagon of spirits; it smells of obsidian, leather, and earth.
I just had some of this back in LAX. I take a snort, smile, and shotgun the rest.
“Hibiki Japanese Harmony…lovely stuff.” I smile. “A little light for my jaded palate, but I’d never turn it down if it were free.”
“Oh, you win again. Wait. One more.” She smiles and skitters off to the galley.
She returns with another soupçon of some more dangerous brown liquor.
“Here, try this. It will make you very popular at social gatherings”. She smiles.
Sniff. “Splendid.” Snort. Swirl. Smile. Shotgun.
“Kanosuke New Born, if I’m not mistaken.” I smile back. “Very nice. I really do like this one.”
“You too good at this. One more!” she stands and stomps off defiantly. She returns in a trice and hands me the glass.
“Hmm…brown. Light notes of earth, leather, dating your daughter, and Kentucky…
“Beam Suntory, right?”
“You know them all!” she says, feigning irritation.
“And I thank you. Those were all excellent. Now, anything in the dangerous clear liquor category? I asked.
Luna smiled as I palmed off a 20k yen tip.
“Oh, no sir. Wait until we land.” She demurred, referring to the gratuity; which is know is not de rigueur in the Orient, but she didn’t seem to mind.
“Just in case we never make it to Tokyo”, I laughed, unknowingly presciently.
We both chuckled about that last line as she tried out various sakes and shōchūs and an actual Japanese ‘White Liquor’ (ホワイトリカー), which were all excellent as was the company.
I tell her that I need to get some work done and could she bring me a tall Rocknocker. After explain the origins and construction of the eponymous drink, she brings me one that must tip the scales at 1 or so liters.
She settles down to an empty seat and I get after the work that I need to finish before we land. I’m about ½ way through my drink when it felt as if the plane hit a brick wall. She quivered and quaked and clutched at herself while I made some comments about the pilot’s mental health.
We dropped like a paralyzed falcon, then just as suddenly, felt like it was an express elevator to Angel’s 11. The plane bucked and shimmied, wickedly. Then we slam-danced right and fell a few more stories. It was like we were in a Mixmaster and the owner was trying out every speed.
The emergency lights in the 777-300ER popped on, and the fasten seat belt sign barked loudly so even sleeping travelers could enjoy the show.
Rinse. Spin. Shudder. Repeat.
Finally, the ride smooths out and we hear the captain on the blower.
“This is your captain speaking…ah, we seem to have hit some uncharted turbulence back there.”
“Thanks, Captain Obvious”, I muttered.
“Everything’s A-OK. “ he reports.
“That’s good”, I note.
“But…”
“There’s always the but…” I groan.
“…we have a couple of warning lights for which we can’t quite account. So to just be safe and certain, we’re going to divert to Hawaii, get a clean bill of health and resume this flight once we make sure everything here is hunky-dory.”
There were scattered groans and applause. Add them together and divide by two and the average response on the flight was “Meh. Whatever.”
Except for the other guy in Business, with whom I hadn’t shared two words. He began to absolutely lose his shit.
“Oh, man! We’re so screwed! Mechanical malfunction? What does that mean?” he positively fizzed with fear.
The flight attendants tried to calm him down, to no avail. They basically gave up and said they’d report his misgivings to the Captain.
I motioned over to my personal flight attendant, Luna, and asked if I could be of service.
“Oh, Doctor Rock”, she smiled at me, “If you could speak with him. You are so calm, and he is…”
“Losing his bloody mind”, I chuckled as I finished her sentence for her. “Of course, I’ll take a stab at it.”
So, I grab my drink and ease over to my Business Class partner and introduce myself.
“Hey, pal. How’s it going? I’m Dr. Rock, gentleman, scholar, and connoisseur of cigars and things alcoholic. You doing OK?”
He looks at me with an ashen face and his eyes the size of bloodshot dinner plates.
“Yeah. I’m Todd Schotts. I’m flying to Japan for business.” He mumbles
“No surprise there,” I reply calmly and take a slug of my drink.
“But now we’re all going to die. The plane is busted and we’ll crash…” he started off again.
“So, Todd is it? Good. You drink?” I asked.
“Yeah?”, he stammered back.
I asked Luna to make us a fresh batch of my eponymous cocktails.
“OK, Todd, listen up”, I began after the drinks were served, “I have flown literally millions of miles over the last 4 decades. On Aeroflot when it was still the USSR. On TACA (Take A Chance Airways), on Chalk’s in the Caribbean, on Bob’s Verrifast Plane Company in Rhodesia, on regional carriers that don’t even exist anymore. All over the world. Had some bad experiences flying, and me ol’ mugger, this ain’t one of them. This is nothing more than the glitch for this mission.”
I chuckled lightly and complimented Luna on a fantastic drink.
“Yeah…yeah…yeah…but we have to land and check out some lights…” Todd squealed.
“Well now, Todd. It would be rather difficult to do any external assessment while in flight, don’t you agree?” I asked.
“But we’re diverting. We have to land and that adds more risk. We’re going to crash and die!” he was coming more and more unglued.
“I will bet you every cent you have on your person and home bank accounts that that will not happen”, I chuckled.
That took him by surprise. At least it shut him up for a while.
“Look, Todd. This is Boeing’s latest model. They have the most incredible safety record. And if a little clear air turbulence were to be knocking planes out of the sky, don’t you think we’d hear about it as the press went berserk?” I asked.
“But they don’t know what the lights mean! What if one of the engines’s out? How far can we fly on one engine?” Todd stuttered.
Having my fill of a supposedly grown man with inane childlike fears, I calmly replied,
“All the way to the crash site.”
He went white.
“...hope we hit something hard. I don’t want to limp away from this.”
He went limp.
Then I went to my seat and motioned for Luna to prepare a reload.
Of course, 45 minutes later, we land without incident at Daniel K. Inouye International Airport, Honolulu Hawaii.
We were told to just wait around until they figure out what the problem if any, was.
They had officials waiting at the end of the jetway to check our COVID status and passports before they let us loose in the terminal.
I asked Luna if she knew this airport. She noted that she did.
“Is there a JAL hospitality room here at this airport? I asked.
“Yes, Doctor. It’s the Sakura Lounge. It is located on the third level above The Local, Terminal 2.” She replied.
“Please notify whoever needs to know that that’s where I’ll be for the duration”, I smiled and handed her my business card. “See you soon, I hope.”
“Oh, Dr. Rock”, she replied, “I am sure it is nothing much. We’ll be back in the air within mere hours.”
“Well then”, I smiled, “Guess I’d better get ready to hoof it to the lounge.”
“Oh, Doctor Rock”, she smiled, “No rush. I will call for you a courtesy cart. You are injured, you are Business, you are priority.”
“I love that Asian efficiency.” I smiled back and toddled down the jetway.
At the terminus of the jetway, I show my COVID-clear papers, dates and times of my Anti-Virus vaccine administrations, the letter from Virginia clearing me of all detention, and my red Russian diplomatic passport.
While in the cart, whizzing our way to the JAL lounge, the driver said “Man! You must be some kind of VIP. You were through that welcoming committee in less than two minutes!”
“Me? Nah!”, I chuckled, “Just an old phart of a geologist that they didn’t want to mess with. Not on such a bright, sunny day as this.”
“I see you’re not wearing a mask.” The driver quipped.
“Very observant. There are reasons for that.” I replied.
He careens around a corner and if this were a normal pre-Covid day, I’m certain we’d have killed hundreds. However, the airport, as I’ve come to grow accustomed to, was virtually deserted.
“Yeah? Like what?” he asks.
“Well, Scooter, 1. I have an active and hardworking immune system that I let off the chain every once in a while for exercise. Got to let it know what it’s up against, right? 2. I’ve had all my shots and some that were experimental. They seem to have worked. And 3. I find it difficult to drink and smoke cigars while wearing a mask. However, if you’d prefer, I will mask up. No problem, though it still is optional.”
“Nah, man”, he said, “I was just wondering if you were one of those religious idiots or conspiracy nuts.”
Nope”, I smiled back, “Just another geologist out in the world plying his trade for cash. Y’know, whorin’ around for money.”
He laughs aloud as we skid to a stop right in front of Lounge.
I slip the guy a $20 and ask if he’d listen for the JAL flight I was just on. If we’re going on ahead today, I’d need him to scoot by and putt-putt me back to the plane.
He laughs and pockets the $20 as quick as a mink ruts.
“No worries. I’ll just hang around this area. I hear anything about the flight, I’ll come and let you know.” He grins.
“Good man”, I say, as I hand him my card. “I’m Dr. Rocknocker. Call me Rock”.
“And I’m Kapula Mano, call me Kap” he replies.
“Good man”, I say again, “Hope to see you in a while.”
He grins, floors his electric cart, and peels out at speeds approaching 4.5 MPH.
I wander into the lounge, show my credentials, and am escorted to a post up on Mahogany Ridge.
The bar is very quiet. Besides the bartender, I can’t see anyone else in the darkened and Smooth Jazz-infused drinking emporium.
I order a local drink, a Mai Tai, just for the experience and something a bit different.
It’s served in a goldfish bowl on a stem, bedecked with a slice of lime, a sprig of mint, a stick of sugar cane, a polychromatic orchid, and the obligate paper umbrella.
“Ah. Mai Tai. I will enjoy it.” I said to no one in particular.
One was enough, and I decided to go back to the old standard. Once I explained to the bartender what that was, he made them heroic and enthusiastically.
I’m reading up on a random dossier, making notes in a new file, and puffing away on a Fuentes Onyx double Maduro Churchill cigar.
I hear a slight cough coming from my right, and this here lovely lady, she sat to my immediate starboard and looked at me semi-quizzically.
Not in the mood for shenanigans of any stripe, I give her the obligate Baja Canada nod and tilt of the drink. I return to my dossiers and continue to read and take notes.
“Excuse me!” I hear.
Fearing the worst, either the woman is Karen-oid anti-smoking or a religious fruit-and-nutburger, I slowly turn to face her and reply, somewhat glacially, I have to admit.
“What?”
“That cigar…”
“Here we go…” I mutter, eyes rolling northward.
“Smells exquisite. Could you tell me the brand? My husband would enjoy some like that.” She notes.
Instantly my demeanor switches 1800.
“Yes, ma’am. It’s an Arturo Fuentes Onyx. Churchill size, or 60 ring x 7” length, double Maduro. Here, take one for your husband. I have an ample supply.” I smile.
“Oh, no. I couldn’t. Could I?” she asks.
“Please. I insist.” I smile the best I could given the circumstances.
“Thank you. You’re too kind…umm…Mr….?”
“Doctor. Doctor Rocknocker. World traveler, oilman, and international ambassador of amity, good drinks, and fine cigars. Call me Rock” I said.
“Oh! A Doctor?” she brightens.
“Yes, of Petroleum Geology and Engineering. Not medicine.” I chuckle.
She chuckles back.
“And I am Hella Aaberg”, as she offers her hand for a quick shake.
“Interesting name, Hella. Scandinavian or Old German heritage?” I ask.
“On my father’s side. He’s Finnish.” She replies.
“But I’ll wager your mother is not Scandinavian, correct?” I ask.
“She was from Truk, an island…”
“In the South Pacific, Micronesia. Was she from Weno city?” I asked.
“Why yes. How could you possibly know that?” she asked.
“Oh, I’ve been there. Great diving amongst the WWII wrecks. I think it’s actually called ‘Chuuk Lagoon’ or something like that now.” I said.
“That’s right! Amazing. Where else have you been?” she asked.
“Anywhere there’s oil, strife, booze, cigars, heavy explosives and typically long distances from whatever most normal people call civilization,” I replied with a chuckle.
Suddenly, I hear a voice booming out behind me.
“Why don’t you save that rapier-like wit for those musky-fuckers back home, Rocko?”
My expression changes. My eyes pop fully wide open.
“Hella?” I asked.
“Yes?”
“May I ask you a favor?”
“You can ask…”
“Thank you. Now, looking over my shoulder, is there a hulking goon of a person, thin up top, paunchy halfway down with the most ridiculously tiny sized shoes you’ve ever seen for a so-called grown man?” I ask.
“Yes. Yes, there is.” She replies.
“I thought so. Many thanks.”
I spin and launch off my barstool and grab Toivo by the hand. He hadn’t seen my left-hand Thagomizer yet.
“Toivo! You old sumbitch. What the flying fennec fox fuck are you, of all people, doing in Hawaii?” I laughed.
“Just keeping an eye on you, Rock!” he laughed equally as loud.
“No, fucking-A, seriously. What the actual fuck? What are you doing in this actual nice place?” I asked.
“Just headed to Tokyo to conduct a bit of service company business. I walked into the lounge and smelled a foul cigar. I figured it can’t be the venerable Dr. Rocknocker. He’s back at some school up north terrorizing geology and engineering grads and undergrads.” Toivo laughed.
“But there I was. Surprise!”, I laughed and pumped his hand.
“What the fuck, Rock. Now what did you do?” he asks, referring to my Ankylosaur tail club left hand.
“Ah, fuck. Long story. Oh, pardon me. Toivo, this is Hella. We were just talking about the South Seas Islands.” I said.
“Planning on running off together?” Toivo laughs, to the amusement of neither party.
“Oh, and this idiot is Toivo, a man with a congenital foot-in-mouth disorder. He’s mostly harmless.” I noted to Hella.
Greetings were shared all around. Hella made some small excuses and said she needed to depart. I gave her another cigar for her husband, shook her hand, and wished her well.
“Here’s my business card. If your husband has any questions, have him drop me a line.” I noted.
Hella smiled beautifully. She said she would. Then she thanked me shook our hands, and like that, there she was, gone.
“Well Toivo, you old bastard. Don't just stand there in the doorway like some lonesome goddamn mouse shit sheepherder, get your ass over here and have a drink.” I motioned over to my perch on Mahogany Ridge.
“Don’t mind if I do”, he says as he deftly winds his way to a seat to my left, snagging a cigar out of my pocket on the way over.
“You might want these”, I say in an exasperated tone, and hand him my gold Dunhill Hobnail lighter and V-cutter gizmo.
He cuts and fires up his heater.
“What you drinkin’, Rock”, he asks.
“Anything with alcohol, as usual. You know that Toiv.” I reply.
“No. I mean right now.” He clarifies.
“Well, I had a Mai Tai. Very nice if you like fruity, flowery drinks. It’s the locals’ favorite.” I reply.
“Sounds good. I’ll have several. And you?” Toivo asks.
“My usual. The bartender is already apprised of the situation.” I reply.
Toivo smiles the smile of one knowing his sobriety is going to be taken out for a swim. Hell, taken out and tossed into the deep end.
Toivo and I sit there, swapping lies, smoking cigars and sipping at our toddies.
Hell, Toivo was slurping them like a sump-pump during an extra-wet summer.
We chattered about family, work, whether or not Tokyo was going to host the Olympics or if the COVID-boogie man scared everyone off.
Toivo, always one afflicted with TB (“Tiny Bladder”) got up to go to the loo for the third time that hour. He left his pocket organizer on the bar and I swear on a stack of Origins of Species, I didn’t touch it.
I reached over to his vacated seat to retrieve my cigar lighter when I looked down and saw in his organizer a tab that reads “Rack & Ruin”.
“Oh. No. Fucking. Way.” I recoiled as I’d just reached out and petted a 6-foot hungover scorpion.
“One of my best friends? Secretly allied with the Agency? No. Not possible.” I drained my drink and called for another.
“No. No. No. It can’t be. No. No fucking way…” as doubt began to dissolve when I thought back to all those times I had just ‘run into’ Toivo.
“But he’s oil patch as well. That could be chalked up to coincidence.” I ruminated quizzically in my brain.
I quickly reflected back on J.M. Darhower: “Yes, you see, there’s no such thing as coincidence. There are no accidents in life. Everything that happens is the result of a calculated move that leads us to where we are.”
She may be the author of the execrable New Adult Sempre series, which Esme likes and I loathe, but she might just be right on this occasion.
Toivo return, lighter in the bladder and good sense. He never even noticed he’d left his organizer out in broad bar light for all to see.
“So, Toivo, when’s your flight?” I ask.
“Oh, man. Was I lucky. The JAL flight to Tokyo from Los Angeles had mechanical trouble and had to divert here. I got a ticket on the plane for that flight, when it continues.
“You mean ‘if it continues’,” I replied.
“Yeah. Yeah. That’s what I meant. Hey! Was that your flight?” he asks innocently. He’s really innocent of fieldcraft.
I decide to have some fun at my old friend’s expense.
“Yep. Hit some CAT (Clear Air Turbulence) and the JAL pilots reported some lighting problem. No apparent ruin to any of the systems. They relay racked their brains to figure it out, but they couldn’t that’s why I here.” I said, waiting for the words to swim upstream in Toivo’s coconut and make some sort of connection.
“Yeah. Double lucky. No problem with the plane and I get to go to Japan early.” Toivo crookedly grins.
“So, no trouble with the plane? Then why haven’t I heard that the flight’s going to resume?” I asked as I pushed a fresh, seriously strong drink to Toivo.
“Oh, must have heard it in the john.” Toivo countered and tried to cover his tracks by taking a huge gulp of his drink and damn near dying coughing.
I pound on Toivo’s back.
“Heimlich time?” I ask.
Toivo signals ‘no’.
“Jesus Christ, Rock. What was that?” he asks.
“Just my usual”, I innocently replied.
“Holy fuck. No wonder you have the reputation of…” Toivo realizes too late that he’s said too much.
“Yeah. They can rack you out. Really ruin a person if they’re not careful.” I reply icily.
“Why, Rock. Whatever do you mean?” Toivo slurred as he realized he’s been caught out.
“The jig is up, you turncoat. You know Agents Rack and Ruin from the agency. Right? You keeping tabs on me for them? You Quisling! You Benedict Arnold!” I almost was on the verge of losing my cool.
“It was nothing. They approached me years ago as I kept being mentioned in your reports. They asked me for some information. One thing leads to another…” Toivo was ready for an Ankylosaur tail club swat to the bean.
“Oh, put your fucking hands down, you asshole.” I smiled and chuckled.
“You’re not mad?” Toivo slurred badly. I had the bartender make him another special drink.
“No, Toivo. Not mad. Just disappointed.” I said, smiling like a Komodo Dragon just finishing up a fortnight-old wildebeest.
Toivo sat there and puzzled and puzzled until his puzzler was sore.
“You’re not going to kill me or anything rude like that?” Toivo asked, half-assedly trying to inject humor into the proceedings.
“Nah. The paperwork’s too ridiculous for me to do another liberation. But, Jesus Fucking Christwagons, Toivo; you could have mentioned it to me. Fuck, I thought we were friends to the end?” I said, dejectedly.
I was really getting through to Toivo. I could tell he was loaded; feeling like shit and massively deplorable.
Great fieldcraft, indeed.
I told him things “are what they are” and that I won’t blow his cover nor his honorarium.
He began to feel better. I often wonder if he was serious about the sanctioning thing.
Then I delivered the strategic missile strike.
“Just remember, Toivo. I wrote your dossier for the Company…”
He swivels to look at me.
“And one for the KGB. Olga says ‘howdy’.” I grin evilly.
Toivo short-circuited at that. Russia is his company’s bread and butter. Now he has the KGB as well as his best buddy looking over his shoulder at every move.
I bought him a few more drinks and continued to needle him about his ’leading a double life’. He was well and truly fuckered when the electric tap-tap driver from before came looking for me to whisk me back to the plane.
Seems it was simply some knocked-out wires on the plane, or slammed bulbs that were generating a false positive, indicating something other than the system that alerts one to something haywire went haywire.
Toivo was pretty much down for the count. I got him sober enough to hand them his ticket and ensure that he was really supposed to be on this flight. Thing was; h e was in Economy, and I was, as always, in Business.
I spoke to Luna, and the plane was going to be even less crowded than previously because some folks could or wouldn’t wait, or didn’t want to go on with the rest of the trip on a ‘damaged’ aircraft, or were just stupid and superstitious.
“Luna, could I pay for the difference between Business and Economy for my less than 100% conscious friend here? He’s had a rough day.” I asked.
“Dr. Rock. Just put him into Business. No one will be the wiser. Luna says so.” As she gave us a grand smile.
“Luna, I owe you. Thanks so much.” I said.
“Now get on board. Your friend looks like he needs all the downtime he can get.”
“Yes, ma’am!” I said and saluted here be best I could which dragging a schnozzled Toivo down the jetway.
I dumped Toivo in a window seat well away from my seat. I know Toivo. He snores like a semi-load of live hogs rocketing downhill locking up the brakes at 88 MPH.
Surprise! There was no one else in Business. Luna looked at me, at Toivo, and gave me a thumbs up.
Whatever I can write to further her career at JAL, she’ll have it before I deplane.
We finally get everyone settled, and with Captain Kangaroo at the helm, we bounced gracelessly off the tarmac, into the warm, tropical Hawaiian air, finally headed for the Land of the Rising Sun.
Toivo was snoring like a chainsaw hitting rusty nails as I worked on the various letters, communiques, and dossiers which needed updating before we reached touchdown. I gave Luna a thick letter with instructions not to open it until we were on the ground and Toivo and I were well off and away into the terminal.
We left Hawaii at 1300 hours, so we should arrive at Tokyo Nareda around 4:00 pm, the previous day. I was so bereft of time and time zones, I couldn’t figure out what time it really was, as judged by my biometric rhythms, so I asked Luna for a stiff drink as I was kicking off my boots and going to attempt to get some kip.
She brought me another liter or so eponymous drink. I was sawing logs by the time I slurped the last swig of that nifty drink.
Suddenly, or later, I have no idea really, some loudmouth drunk asshole from way-the-fuck-back in economy-land toward the ass end of the plane staggered into Business demanding free drinks.
Luna was nothing but civil, and asked him to both shut up and return to his seat. His air cabin hostess, or whatever the fuck they’re calling them these days, will attend to his needs.
“Naw they won’t! They want me to pay for more drinks! I’m broke but I demand more booze! You fucking owe me.” railed the asshole. “I sat at the bar in Hawaii for four hours. Them fuckers charged me an arm and a leg!”
“No, they don’t owe you shit”, I said in a voice that unmistakably loud and clear.
“Fuck you, old man! You stay the fuck out of this!” he bellowed. “Shut up or I’ll do ya’!”
“’Old man’? ‘Do me’? Excuse me. Luna, may I have a word alone with this individual?” I asked sweetly.
Luna shook her head in the affirmative, and I stood up to confront this flagrant asshole.
“Now look, Scooter. You have gone way, way over the fucking line. You are loud. You are abusive. You are obnoxious. And you stink. Plus you insulted a person who is just barely containing his righteous wrath right now. So, I’m giving you one and one only chance to shut up, sit back down before your body spontaneously develops all sort of bruises, contusions, broken bones, and unconsciousness.” I said calmly, evenly, and threateningly.
“What da’ fuck you think you’re going to do…old man?” he screeched, trying to inflate himself into full mammalian threat posture, all 5’ 9” of it.
He didn’t notice Toivo walking up quietly behind him, as Toivo was returning from the head, quiet as a moose.
“Well, Scooter, I am an Air Marshall. Duly appointed, fully trained, and properly pissed off. Right now, I can arrest you, physically detain you, turn this flight around and take you to the Hawaiian police, at your cost for the inconvenience of the entire flight. Or I could arrest you, physically detain you, and turn you over to the Japanese authorities when we land. It’s really your choice. Choose wisely.”
To be continued…⇝
submitted by Rocknocker to Rocknocker [link] [comments]

Another 10 Overlooked Single Player Indie Games

There are also some links within the first link that discuss indie local multiplayer games as well.
Introduction
We're all familiar with the Hotline Miami's, Hollow Knight's, and Celeste's of the world. These are some of the indie games that hit the big time. Of course, for every one of these games, there's 100 other indie games that have been glossed over, relegated to a spot in a digital store few people will ever find themselves in. I wanted to bring attention to some of these lesser known indie games once again.
Details About the List
I'm going to order them according to Metacritic Critic Ratings. Steam is the only one on the list with all 10 games featured (Steam has 10 of them, Switch has 9 of them, PlayStation 4 has 7 of them, and Xbox One has 5 of them), but the Switch gets more reviews than the other platforms, so I will it use the Switch version of all the games for their review scores, except #8, where I will use the Steam version, since that’s the only version of it available. The two bottom games have pretty low critic ratings (60% with 1 Critic Review and 53% with 2 Critic Reviews). I personally disagree with the low scores of these two games, but it's only fair that you hear from more than just me. Keep in mind that games with only one or two User Ratings on Metacritic will not show the score. A game needs at least three User Ratings on Metacritic before the score will be shown. This is not the case for Critic Reviews.
Currently 9 of the games are on sale on Steam right now, and 5 of them are on sale on Switch. None of them are on sale on the PlayStation 4 or Xbox One at the moment.
For the purpose of this post, I’m just going to stick with saying “achievements” and “getting all achievements” instead of “trophies” and “platinum trophy” since Steam has all 10 games on the list. You can basically substitute these with “trophies” and “platinum trophy” if you’re a PlayStation gamer. I will make mention of the two games on here that don’t include a platinum trophy however.
Platforms will include a link to the U.S. store page of the game for each platform. Price is in U.S. dollars.
1. Ultra Hat Dimension
2. Bot Vice
3. Valfaris
4. Inertial Drift
5. Golf Peaks
6. Horizon Shift ‘81
7. Pato Box
8. Primal Light
9. Tamashii
10. Neon Drive
Special shoutout to Valfaris which is my favorite game on the list and, again, one my favorite 2D run & guns ever.
Have you played any of these games? What are some other overlooked single player indie games?
submitted by Underwhere_Overthere to Games [link] [comments]

Cayo Perico Heist Update Review

So it’s been a few days since the update dropped so I think it’s been a good enough to let the update’s content sit and allow us to play around with everything.
To address the elephant in the room, let’s talk about the island: it is very, very, VERY underwhelming. I already made a post explaining the problems with the island, so I’ll just keep it brief: it’s all run down industrial drug manufacturing and no resort town area thingy for the tourists at the party. It’s quite unrealistic thinking about the people there and where they’re going to stay. If they wanted to make the infrastructure of the island undeveloped, then make it be like Cuba, where it’s all old timey buildings with classic cars on the unpaved roads. It’s all off-road areas, which TBH are pretty cool if you wanted some off-road/rally cars to try out BUT OH WAIT YOU CAN’T BECAUSE THE ISLAND ISN’T ACCESSIBLE IN FREEMODE. I don’t know what Rockstar was thinking when they said “an entirely new location.” When you say it like that, of course people are gonna expect it to be in freeroam so they can have fun with their friends and hang out in their cars and whatnot, and no having tiny portion of the island where you can just do what you do in your nightclub and the Music Locker, and that is to just dance and drink and entertain yourself for 5 minutes. If you try to leave the island, the guards stop you and your character automatically walks back toward the party. You can’t even sneak or swim around the guards you are just stuck at the party until you decide to go back to Los Santos. From what some people say, it’s because of the limited hardware, and that the entire island is free to explore in freeroam on the XSX/S and PS5, but very few of us have those consoles, and those who do say that claim is false. It’s just either the game is old or that Rockstar just wanted to be dicks to us, and if they did know we were expecting a map expansion, then I’d like to believe the. They really did do us dirty like that.
The very first prep/scout might be the worst mission in the entire game. All you do is take pictures of stuff you need for the heist, which is fine, except the stuff spawns in random locations and if you wanna fully complete the prep missions and get your crew completely equipped you have to find 4 of the stuff, like the bolt cutters and grapples. I like the idea of posing as a DJ’s entourage then sneaking out scope out the island. It’s cool, except for the fact the mission is goddamn awful. It’s a mandatory stealth mission, which doesn’t sound that bad, then you remember stealth in GTA is just so, so bad. “So what if it’s a stealth mission, just quietly take out everyone in your way.” That’s the problem: you can’t eliminate anyone in this prep mission, not even punch or judo chop or whatever on the guards. As soon as you get too close to any of the guards, you are spotted and instead of dying and respawning, you’re dragged back to the party (or airport, if you’re doing the prep after the first play through) and have to sneak your way back all over again. It gets pretty frustrating after awhile. To make it worse, if you’re spotted too much, you are thrown off of the island and wash up on the shores of Vespucci Beach, which doesn’t make sense geographically, since Cayo Perico is confirmed to be in the Caribbean and LS is next to the Pacific Ocean. After getting thrown off the island, you have to go back to the Kosatka, restart the prep, and do the mission all over again.
The other prep missions are somewhat of a step up from the Casino Heist preps. For one, there aren’t any missions where you have go back twice for any of the equipment; it’s a one and done deal. The missions utilize different interiors from previous updates, like the CEO office, Import/Export garage, etc. and I find that somewhat cool. The missions themselves aren’t that hard, so they should be able to be breezed through.
The heist itself was in many ways a step up from the Casino Heist, in a way. All the different kinds of approaches, entries, methods, setups, etc. made the heist very unique with different levels of replay ability. As annoying as the guards on the island are, it’s good that they spawn randomly, as to encourage more challenge and thought as to how to approach the heist, unlike the Casino where they all have fixed locations, and after a few play through you figure out the formula and breeze through it like no problem. The guards are still ridiculously hard to all kill, even with all the prep missions to weaken them done. They still have aimbot, not surprised there. There’s a juggernaut in El Rubio’s mansion, but it’s not that bad, since there’s only one that spawns, and you can just use explosives. It is a heist that encourages stealth, and is very unforgiving to those who fuck it up. The enemies are fairly weak if you do the preps, but they just swarm you everywhere, especially in El Rubio’s mansion where they flank you at all corners, and if you’re not careful, you can go through all your snacks and armors quickly.
The amount of content released day one is very underwhelming, and the drip feed line up lowkey sucks. Half of the cars showed off in the trailers and promos were actually released on launch but the rest are to be released weekly over the next few months. I get it, Rockstar wanted to artificially extend the lifespan of this update, but did they really have to make us wait weeks for vehicles we can drive around during the heist? If they wanted to drip feed some vehicles from the heist itself, make it like the Manchez scout or that ATV cause no one cares about those vehicles, well, at least I don’t. Leaving out less vehicles from the heist to be released as drip feed would leave room for some more original cars to be added or different versions of cars that need updating, like the ARENA ZR380 PLEASE JUST GIVE US A CLEAN JDM VERION OF THAT CAR. The line up of original non heist cars is actually quite solid, still fitting the theme of the update. Cayo Perico gives off some Cuban vibes, minus the whole communism thing, so it would make sense some of the cars added would be classic cars from the 50s-60s, like the Fiat 500 (Brioso 300), BF Weevil (finally, they added a better version of the Injection), and Slamtruck (if that thing doesn’t allow us to put cars on it I’m gonna get very mad).
The new clothes and outfits are nothing amazing, but there was a change I appreciate so much, and that is we can finally put body armor on other tops like hoodies, service shirts, other utility tops. Finally will I no longer have to use the merge glitch. The new armored vests tho kinda suck, since they’re just designer and don’t exactly fit anything. The new button down tropical shirts do look cool, I just wish we could unbutton them to give more of a casual tourist vibe. I just appreciate we have more ability than variety.
The weapons were ok. The military rifle looks way too similar to the bullpip and advanced rifle, so it’s nothing really special. The Perico Pistol was a cool unlock for a random event that has a somewhat painful chance to get by finding a body in LS and searching it for a key, but the gun itself is just a golden marksman pistol, needing to be reloaded after every shot. I have yet to find the combat shotgun in the heist, but I imagine it’s just a cooler looking version of the pump shotgun.
The music in this update was very meh. Didn’t like the songs on Kult FM too much, maybe because I’m not into rock that much and kinda used to listening to pop songs and some Broadway musicals here and there. Couldn’t really judge Still Slippin since I need to be in a specific area of the map to listen to it, I haven’t been around Mirror Park in awhile, so I just went back to putting the music on mute and turning on blast LMP on Spotify (Owl House fans you know what I mean). It doesn’t really help that Rockstar is drip feeding radios and music too, since Still Slippin won’t be broadcasted to the entire map until a few more weeks. Maybe when it’s finally released for the entire map then I’ll take a listen. That one Moodymann song they played for the trailer goes hard and I’m sure his other works go hard too; too bad no one goes to the Music Locker, which is literally a stripped down version of our nightclubs under the casino. Come to think of it, music and nightclubs are a major part of this update, making me think Rockstar just wanted to do an After Hours Pt. 2.
Overall, the Cayo Perico was had the potential to be one of the best updates the game has ever seen: a map expansion for us to explore, but we were given a heist with ruthless AI and mediocre to subpar content to make up for it. As it stands, it might be one of my least favorite updates, not living up to the community’s expectations whilst being quite content dry.
submitted by lovemuffin04 to gtaonline [link] [comments]

My writing portfolio

Rachel Schneider
ENG 477
Date 1/11/2021
Marsha Blackburn
A Writing Portfolio
I want to write my own fiction stories one day; I have had a book or two swimming around in my head so I will put the computer to good use and get that typed out one of these days. In this instance I chose my 5 stories and even though one is a marketing inquiry I had fun writing it, so here are my things and some background some of them.
Resume: It is a basic one because my photo ones were not particularly good, and this is an honest resume besides the ones I made for class and I did fudge on those.
Cover letter: I made up the cover letter though there is a penguin Books but it is always fun to use your imagination!
Hike with Drew: I got the concept from a Writer’s Digest and entered it into a contes I never got a response but good practice.
Short Story Vegas: Was one I did for another class but in here I changed it and the story was much better the second time.
Marketing Flyer: This was fun to do those are stock photos of the dogs and squeaky toys, but I like Pit Bulls and dog toys are fun as well.
Scott part 1-This is a story I am working on with another writer, warning its very sexy and some naughty words are in there as well.
Writing Samples: I made these three samples up one day because as I have looked for writing work, I have seen people want a sample of your work, so I came up with these.
Rachel
Schneider
​
3867 Houghton Ave Riverside CA 92501 📷
951-743-8911 📷
[email protected] 📷
Rachel Schneider 📷
Rachel7Tori-Twitter 📷
📷
​
Objective
To get a career going in the fiction/short story writing industry my imagination can run with any scenario and to write is to live.
📷
​
Education
Bachelor of Arts in English | Grand Canyon University
2017 – 2021
Took 15 different writing courses, creative writing and even two fun marketing classes all to polish up my craft. Carried a 3.0 GPA and did the courses all online as well.
No Degree Obtained | Riverside Community College
June 1994 – December 1996
Took these college courses but did not finish got 32 Units of Child Development Courses though which is what I was going for
📷
​
Experience
Cafeteria Worker 1
2008 Currently Employed.
Cook, Prep, serve food in a middle school setting, also clean, count inventory and do next day prep, cash handling and POS register experience.
Bell Ringer | Salvation Army
November 2007 – December 2007
Rang bell and collected donations for the salvation Army in front of various stores during the holiday season.
📷
​
Skills
Food handlers Card
CPR First Aid certified
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Grammar Proficiency
Spelling Proficiency
Can work from home
📷
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Activities
Have good use of social media and can help update or bring in new followers with my creative writing side. Have a Reddit account as well with 30 stories up on that site. Can speak a little Spanish and Hebrew as well.
951-743-8911
[email protected]
3867 Houghton Ave Riverside CA 92501
​

Rachel Schneider

Writer

​
​

Penguin Books

​

Dear JENNIFER MCGREGOR,

1/21/2021
Jennifer McGregor
Fiction Publisher
4587 Tropicana Rd.
Las Vegas NV 89102
​
I have included my resume for the short story writer for young adult novels. It has been a few years, but I currently work in a middle school, so I do see all the angst and sass that goes with being a young teen. I do hope my writing samples can help me move to the top of the list. I look forward to working with Penguin Books and letting kids know being a teen is hard at first, but it does not last forever.
Sincerely,
Rachel Schneider
Rachel Schneider
3867 Houghton Ave
Riverside CA 92501
It had been a long cold winter Drew and I could not get out for a morning hike till today. Being 75 degrees, we did not have to wear many layers. He is an extremely sweet inquisitive boy who always asks a lot of questions. Why does moss grow on the north side of trees” he asks? Its times like this when it would be nice to have my husband here, but he is overseas where the work is. “well, it’s not just the north side it’s on the shadier side because that is where the moisture is.”
On we went looking at snails on the ground watching the deer pass by along a ridge. Being quiet as to not startle them. “Mom he whispered it’s a bunny den they are coming out for food, he leaves a few carrot and lettuce scraps from last night’s dinner. I walked down the path and spotted some glorious Blue Jays and a Downey Woodpecker. “Listen Drew the woodpecker is getting the bugs out of the trees.” My sweet Drew was staring at the Bunnies, they are cute and fluffy after all. We followed our path down further after the bunnies went back to the den.
The skies were getting cloudy, so I hoped the rain was not going to come back. Though the weather report said there was a chance. My little explorer with his school uniform on was undeterred, I wish I could wear shorts on a 75 day and not be cold, it is always nice to be young. Walking along our path we spot some squirrels running in circles around the tree. “Why do the chase each other like that” Drew asks. “Maybe it’s a game for them like ring around the Rosie.”
On we trek to our favorite stream where the deer family are taking their drinks. I tell Drew we cannot skip stones right now we do not want to scare them. We look through the grass for more of his favorite bugs, saw some worms just below the dirt by a tree. Looking up we see a big spider web being made between two branches. The crows were making their calls in the distance. We are finally able to skip our stones in the stream. He gets some great skips going, and we collect some new rocks for our little garden back home.
Walking past the stream we climb up the embankment and up along the ridge where we see a Fox off in the distance. He or she walks the opposite direction we are going so it is a relief we can continue to the clearing. Where there are more bugs, rocks, and Bunnies. We pass the Deer family as they run up the hill to were, they mostly frolic or maybe they live up there. We stop for a snack of Apples, Almonds, and some cheese sticks. When we were finished Drew put a couple of slices in his pocket to feed the Bunnies, I am sure.
“Mommy we’re getting to the clearing now we can see the Bunnies and the last time Daddy, and I were here I got some neat rocks too.” Drew told ne enthusiastically, I did love his passion for nature, though again my husband is much better at the nature stuff. I am a pastry Chef ask me about desserts and I am your woman, about why moss grows on trees and hello Google. Since Dad is unavailable, I step in and let him explore and see the world outside of the house and off the screen.
It is just another half mile and it is on to the clearing. He starts to pull me hand a little harder I know he is excited. We pass under the tree I glance up and see the Fox again. Then we stop and see “Daddy home……
Name: Rachel Schneider
Course: ENG 361
Date: 4/14/2020
Instructor: Debbie Graves
One Week In Las Vegas
The countdown started Friday at 2pm I got the week off from this thing I call a job (just over broke). The car was packed, it was time to hit the road. The traffic was average and climbing the Cajon Pass was not that bad. I stopped in Baker to have my favorite meal at Bob’s Big Boy, the chili spaghetti, no onions. After making my way back on the highway the traffic picked up going out of Baker, through to Primm and Stateline. I had to stop for gas at Whiskey Pete’s, so I also went in and got some snack goodies. My favorite trail mix and some cheese potato chips because vending machines are too expensive. The road was beckoning so off I went, traveling through Jean is always nice, not much to see. A prison, a few remaining casinos, some outbuildings, and a truck stop. There slogan was always fun 40 smiles closer than Vegas. You can get bored so be sure to pack some music you can have your own car concert. “I’ll face it with a grin I’m never giving in, on with the show” (Show Must Go on by Queen)
Finally, the Vegas skyline is in sight, the lights are not on yet, but they will be needing to navigate around the strip. I do say a few words the terrible drivers. This vacation was so needed my job is crazy, my kids are older now and do not need mom around anymore. Off they went to grandma’s house and I booked the week at the Delano, it is attached to the Mandalay bay so perfect access to all the fun of the strip, and just enough luxury to not look cheap. Getting the valet to take the car I check into my genuinely nice room I have a great view of the Luxor light (that comes off the top of the hotel) and the Excalibur. Now off to indulge in that genuinely nice bathtub and get some overdue reading done. My bathroom with a view has the Luxor light and that is the brightest light on the Vegas strip it comes right out of the top of the Pyramid shaped hotel. A brightness of 42.3 billion candela, you could read a paper from 10 miles straight up if you wanted to.
Once I was well soaked and finished with my chapters it was time to find something to eat besides my snack foods. After cruising the room service options, I settled on some Mexican food of chorizo and eggs with nice corn tortillas. That hit the spot so with the extra energy it was time to get out for a stroll of the property. The indoor pool is nice but small and I want to soak up the sunshine and get some exercise so I shall hit the outdoor pool tomorrow. Back in the lobby I grab those ads for things to do in the city so I can plan out the rest of my trip. There are thousands of things to do in Vegas. Do not be disappointed if you do not get everything done, that is what the next trip is for. I have a beautiful week and I want to have a good time and not have to wait for anybody, I can do what I want. I got those and cruised up through the lobby and toward the casino on my way there I saw a sign for a food and wine festival. With that guy Zac from the travel channel. Thinking hmm I did not know he was interested in food or wine. I went down and found my favorite penny slot game Lucky cat. After 15 minutes I came out putting 20 in and winning 500, so I called it a night and went to the bar to catch a hockey game and grab a fun fruity drink (I like tequila sunrise, (Tequila, grenadine, and cranberry juice). As I am rooting for the Golden Knights (local Vegas hockey team) I looked over to my left and there was Zac from the travel channel, and he likes hockey too this is awesome, and I am trying not to be a fan girl.
The game was in intermission and the Knights were winning so it was time for a new fruity drink so this time I turned around to get back to the bar and bumped right into Zac, boy was my face red. After some apologies and an offer to buy my next fruity drink (a Strawberry Daiquiri) it was a yes and I spilled that I was a fan. He told me he does have an interest in food and wine not just chasing ghosts with his crew. We had some great conversation and when the game came back on, we both sat in the booth cheering the golden knights to their victory. Now I am buzzed and standing up was going to be fun, but Zac was a true gentleman and helped me to my feet. He offered to buy me dinner. The Taco Hut was a good place the tortillas were fresh, and the company was so cool. The conversation turned to food, wine, travel, and some stuff about me. The midnight hour rolled around, and Zac had an early morning, so we said goodnight, but he was staying one floor above me, so we agreed to go to the diner in the lobby for breakfast or brunch. At 10am I was enjoying my company and this great stick to your ribs breakfast (scrambled eggs, sausage, hash browns and some great watermelon) The food offerings in Vegas are so varied you can get everything from a hot dog and beer for 1.99 at the Orleans, to a 5-star meal at Caesar’s Palace the buffets are great too. Although sometimes you want a nice sit-down dinner.
The conversation was effortless the attraction was deep. We made plans to see each other again after the food contest he was judging was over. Saying goodbye was a bit hard but the hand holding was sweet and made me feel like a schoolgirl again. After saying goodbye and I did watch him walk into the convention hall I went back to my room to plan out the rest of my day. I chose a tour of the Mob Museum, they say that Vegas was built with Mob money, but it was a Mormon founded town that later Hollywood discovered. Then many people in Hollywood who were well connected (such as East Coast mobsters) financed Bugsy Segal to build the Flamingo Hotel. As I was putting my shoes on, I got a knock on the room door and as I opened it, I got some flowers (pink roses) and an all-access pass to the food and wine festival courtesy of Zac. Let us just say the Mob Museum can wait for later I got to go to a food and wine festival and spend the rest of the week with Zac. “hi Zac thanks for the flowers it was sweet of you to remember.” He said, “It’s always right to remember a ladies flower preference because that’s the right thing to do.” Smiling the rest of the day I meet other travel channel celebrities and got to taste some great foods and many different wines. The food and wine offerings at the hotels and restaurants are varied, the Las Vegas area have become very international, so the varieties are endless.
The week went by in a blur of food, wine, conversation, and some sweet dates. I never thought I would get over the break-up that happened the week before. Getting a private Vegas tour was something completely special. I did get to see the Mob Museum, Mandalay Bay Fine Art Museum, seven magic mountains, Pinball Hall of fame and a private dinner at the food and wine festival. My days in Vegas were down to one. We had reservations at Rivera right here at the Delano the view is amazing, the food is impressive with Italian and French offers. “I have had a wonderful time this week Zac thank you for mending my broken heart.” He looked at me for a minute and said, “it’s been a pleasure to get to know you and I would not mind visiting your hometown, you always have a reason to come back to Las Vegas. The next food and wine festival is around Christmas, this one will include chocolate.” Hitting the 15 early the next morning I have visions of Christmas, a pass to the food and wine festival, also a brand-new relationship to take back home with me.
The End
When writing a short story, you want to keep it from rambling and have enough details to keep it fresh. When your reader gets into the story you want them to feel like they are there with you, going to the food and wine festival, on that hike through the seven-mountains or touring the mob museum. The details are the thing to see and make sure to watch out for punctuation and common language. An average short story is within 6,00 words or 24 pages. If you wanted too you could go short-short story and that is between 500 and 2,00 words. That comes out to be 6 pages (Minot, Steven Ch. 7 pg. 41), talk about short stories. The story is all your length and style matter as much as how you want it to come into focus.
Minot, Steven and Theil Daniel Three genres the writing of literary pose, poems and plays Ninth edition Pearson Publications 2012
Bouncing Dog Toy Emporium
August 18,2019📷📷
24755 Holly Grove Way
Brookings OR, 97415
Dear Dogs, Rule the World
I am Rachel Schneider from the Bouncing Dog Toy Emporium we make extra bouncy dog toys for our furry friends. We investigated different marketing companies and choose you to do our direct to customer marketing. The way the website is set up the customers can get the product’s directly from you is easier than a multi-level marketing plan. The distribution of Bouncy Dog Toy will be a one level channel, we will provide the toys you market, and we sell them. I would like to get some videos of our company dogs Mac and Stella playing with the toys so you can post on the website. A link for the company can also be included so the consumers know where the toys came from, what they are made of and any other facts about Bouncing Dog Toy Emporium.
Sincerely, Rachel V Schneider
Mac and Stella company dogs and testers 📷
📷 📷📷 📷A sample of our products, our bounciest toys.
Scott’s Story Part 1
I am Scott Thorn, and I am going back to WDU for the first time in 15 years, I went here for a year but after I came out as gay there really were no gay dudes. I am all men but yeah lesbians were all around some BI guys but no real gay dudes. I went back to the mainland and attended Preston University I majored in administration and minored in Literature. I did at one point in my life have a girlfriend and wanted to marry her, but I could not quash the gay lifestyle. That part of my life is over and now the old school offered me a counseling job, have not done this in a while. I get to help students toward there after college career.
I sit here on this boat and keeping an eye on my 75 Triumph I have some nerves, but it is mostly about seeing this place again, so as the boat pulls up, I get my bike going and make a stop at my new on campus apartment. Its west facing because I like sunsets more than sunrise, so I did not know it needed so much work. I have some handy skills but a little at a time. The kitchen is decent and so is the bathroom. The floors will need some polish and the deck needs to be stained, this is a duplex, so I hope the neighbors are quiet. It is furnished and done nicely so I cannot complain too much, but back on the bike to see the Dean.
I get my bike set with the kill switch and walk up the way to the Admin building, I am pretty much the only one dressed. I am wearing my good black jeans and my dress shirt, in my favorite color Maroon. I do remember this place was obsessed with sex so I will stick out wearing clothes, as I enter the building at least more admin people are dressed. Miss Grant the secretary shows me to my new office, its spacious much bigger that my last one at Preston where I shared a cubicle with another person. I have files from past students and current ones, so I started filing them when Dean Kane walks in, booty shorts and a tank top. “Welcome back to WDU Scott, we look forward to seeing you succeed you come very recommended.” I could hardly concentrate because this Dean was hung but I persevered and said, “Thank you sir I look forward to helping young students find there after WDU careers.”
After he left, I had to get my rise to settle then I continued filing and looking through some files. Clarissa Love that was a name that got around even all the way to Preston. I think she does the Jax in the bedroom or something like that. I started looking around and thought I need some life in this office so I asked Miss Grant about decorating and she said I could do what I wanted but no painting, so I went to town and checked out a flea market. I found some pictures of the beaches of Canada, some old homes in the area and a few movie posters from Rocky horror Picture Show (it is my favorite). The flea market said they will deliver to the school tomorrow so I told them I will be there at 9am.
Now with my day done I get to the store to buy some groceries and realize this place uses sextons and I was down to my last few, so now I will need to exchange but thankfully a bank is nearby so I can get some of my mainland money exchanged. I pull up to my new pad off load my few groceries and notice some other tenant left beer in the fridge, talk about luck. I got the beer went to the deck and watched the sunset over the sky. It was going to be new here, but I needed a fresh start after getting dumped and losing the job because my ex was in upper management, never will I do that again. I will find someone who does not work in the school system. After I ate a roast beef and cheddar sandwich for dinner, watched some cooking shows it was time for bed. As I was brushing my teeth, I heard the neighbors having sex. Oh, goody they are not quiet. hope they do not have super energy either. Tomorrow is my first full day and I have decorating to do, fantastic they stopped, that is the thing with us older people we do not fuck like bunnies anymore. As far as I know the neighbors are lesbians so who knows.
Sample 1- If I try my hardest, I could muster up enough courage to ask the prettiest girl in school to prom. I had a suit; bolo tie and I will shine my old boots up. The thing is my courage is not as strong as my best friend Nick, now there is one brave dude who just asked the girl I wanted to go to prom with and of course she said yes. I gather myself close my locker and put on my best smile for them both. Nick and I high five and I hug her, trying to be genuine but it is hard. I head to my Social studies class and sit down next to Megan she looks at me with some concern I tell her what happened, she then asks me to Prom…...
Sample 2-Wishing I did not have to be here I sit at the back of the funeral and think about my old high school principal. I grew up in a small town and everyone knew everyone, we only had one school and you went there for kindergarten through senior year. After my graduation I packed up my old car and headed out to what I thought was the real world. Living in a bigger city only helped spur my loneliness so who says you cannot come home again, well Mom for starters because I abandoned my family, I am not welcome at home ever again (so tired of her drama), so I am staying at Principal Mason’s house yes, the same principal that I am at a funeral for I held her hand as she lay there succumbing to cancer……
Sample 3-If you really want to get over a breakup getting back on the horse will help things along. I thought that too seven lousy dates ago so here I am on date number 8 and I am not seeing any birds singing or rainbows in the sky. He steps away to take a call he is a particularly important lawyer after all (I need to fix my picker) after he comes back, he says it go time the jury has come back so off he goes. I finish my drink and head back to my brownstone close by, I pass the new chocolate shop that just opened, and I get inside and see chocolate heaven. Looking around I do not see him at first but there he is my old college lab partner Sam I just saw a rainbow…….
submitted by RachelVictoria75 to u/RachelVictoria75 [link] [comments]

JoJo's Bizarre OC Tournament #5 - Round 2 Match 10 - Bert and Emilie "Dread" Delacroix vs John "Jack" Aurel

The results are in for Match 8.
Agnes and Arpeggi, in their shrunken states, continued to fight, surrounded by the rising flames of their lilliputian tower, fists flying and Stand blows being taken one after the other.
“You… Callous mother fucker!” Arpeggi cursed, Agnes feeling the singe of a heat blast both from behind and from launched wood. “We’re not aiming for a massacre!”
“You’re not,” Agnes spat out, then, pulling a tab on the table, a massive geyser erupting and launching his so-called ally away, “I don’t give a fuck about this place, and we’re in a Stand battle… And it’s all worthless, greedy scumbags watching! Let the fire spread! Let this place hit the ground so they see what someone with style can do!”
“You heard it here, folks! Agnes talked you all down… C’mon, where’s your passion! Don’t run out and away, c’mon! And here I thought you cared y’had money ridin’ on this…”
Conqueror Worm’s laughs reverberated as Glitch and William found themselves cooled by Ocean Eyes’ nectar, which found itself dissolving quickly but, for the moment, a functional barrier for the injured fighters, watching and listening to what happened.
“Th… They’re fighting each other up there…” William remarked, physically looking as though he was straining to force Ocean Eyes not to hurry up there and tear them a new one. “Glitch, we don’t have time to keep the flames at bay and call up another KST, and if I let Ocean Eyes up there it’ll eviscerate them, and-”
“What’s this? The kid is holdin’ back, afraid of his own Stand! Hey, kid, don’t hate this part of yourself! Ocean Eyes, it ain’t your enemy, that’s a part of you, what makes you special, so don’t be at odds with it! Embrace what it says, because it’s what YOU’RE sayin’!”
William was speechless, there, but his companion was less inactive in that time. Tiger “Glitch” Ricky simply hissed, then, her and her Stand hopping up out of the flames in an effort to brutally, mercilessly pounce upon the self-styled villain and the ally he had come to blows with. If they moved fast, they could bite through that shitty little twink’s neck right now!
Arpeggi grit his teeth, scrambling to find his footing as he witnessed the pouncing cat-stand, finding it hard to breathe among all the burning rubble, fading fast then.
Is… Is this how it ends..? Crushed and mangled as some lowlife’s burnt-up game piece..?
“And it looks like Glitch is about to take it! Shout-outs to Tigran, the only real one here, watchin’ through the fire and the flames!”
“Heh… This is just a bit of a sweat,” Tigran Sins answered, stifling a cough, “I’ll see all seven of these bastards run through games until they’re all-”
Arpeggi didn’t hear what was said next, only hearing his own defiant heartbeat. If he didn’t act fast, Agnes would die… Good riddance, right? But… Ugh, no, even scum like him, they don’t deserve…
He clutched at NEXT LEVEL until his fingers bled, and Glitch and William, both looking at him past their Stands waiting to attack, made curious sounds as yet more crumbled away.
“Mrr?!”
And then, there was white. An overwhelming cascade of baking soda burst from NEXT LEVEL, smothering the flames rapidly as an obscured form zipped up the tower again, grabbing Agnes and hurrying away from the thrown-off Glitch.
“You… Why did you…” Agnes rubbed baking soda out of his eyes, coughing and looking at the form of Arpeggi in this new Stand. “Motherfucker…”
“I have responsibility over even a scumbag like you… You tailed me here, and I’m not gonna let you die and escape responsibility easy.” He turned, then, to William and Glitch, his new form revealed. “Now, actually help me, follow my lead, and I’ll kick your ass later. We need to survive this-”
All four of the fighters, then, felt themselves grow rapidly, their combined weight so close together crushing the table they were on, much as a nearby tabletop wargame that had been setup found itself buckling under the weight of Metra, Oh No, the Black Angel, and their motorcycle.
“Welp,” Worm said with a bemused laugh, holding up the slumped body of Tigran. “Your fire couldn’t hurt him, but smoke inhalation sure could! I guess that means…”
“The winner is FIRE, with a score of 65!”
Category Winner Point Totals Comments
Popularity Graveyard Shift 12-17
Quality Graveyard Shift 19-20 Reasoning
JoJolity BADD GUYS 24-18 Reasoning
Conduct Tie 10-10
With no more reason to fight, it got really awkward and everyone just sort of ran out of Heartache Casino. William Eyelash, recalling his stand and lost in thoughts, was the last to leave, joining the others in leaping single-file out a window into a nearby alley.
There, though everyone else seemed tensely uninvolved, the Black Angel’s motorcycle revved, and she stared down Worm as he safely stowed Tigran inside his Stand-body, leaning on his golden sword.
“There’s still something I need, Jones… I’ll run you down to get it if it means saving the city.”
Worm laughed, gesturing with his sword. “This thing? You’re huntin’ me down for this… Ah! I see! You’re tryin’ to do that.” Callously, he tossed it, so suddenly they fumbled with it in hand. “Here ya go, then! I don’t much want what Jack Aurel’s cookin’ up either!”
The Angel, worn and exhausted, stammered. “I… You just… But…”
“Lookin’ forward to killin’ me, huh? Get in line, kid… Or waste your time right now! See, nobody here is botherin’, they can all read that it’d be a waste when I’m in such good health! City’s countin’ on you, yeah, and you won’t get many opportunities for bein’ called a hero as an adult. Make it count!”
Then, before anyone could say more, he darted through a nearby wall, waving William and the rest off with a, “Ah, we safely may trust to its gleaming and be sure it will lead us aright!”
…
…
“Asshole.” The Angel turned away, strapping the sword to their back and driving away. “Thank you, all of you. I’ll take this from here… Get yourselves help.”
There was silence as they drove into the sky, scarf billowing before them, and then Agnes started cackling. “You’re all fucking morons… If I didn’t burn that place down, we wouldn’t have gotten away, and some wannabe with no style would be going down as Los Fortuna’s worst villain! Fucking bow and grovel, Jack Aurel’s grave is gonna say ‘spat on by Agnes!’”
Nobody had the energy to dignify that with a response.
An anticlimax is leading into a super-climax, and meanwhile, an ant-loving little boy and an aid worker are racing through their dreamscapes, with a day left to vote there.
Narration:
What is, as of the 1990s, ‘Capital Island,’ was the epicenter of Los Fortuna’s founding several hundred years ago, in the midst of a bloody Stand User conflict, many militias clashing for superiority, in the 1680s, starting with the death of the era’s own Andrew Tiffany, the missionary William Mandolin, and towards its end, knocking people into their senses through the awakening of exactly what he had tried to warn them of.
A grand T-Rex by the name of Megalomania had survived, dormant, underneath the land through the might of its Stand, coated in a goldlike substance, and awoken in a deep rage by the conflict of the locals. Megalomania was met in battle by a man out of place named Aaron Bruno, ‘Sir Aurel’ to most, and Memory Management, and when slain, crumbled where it stood into a pile of bones, feet firm in the ground.
Los Fortuna’s natural history museum was built around this monster’s remains, and Sir Aurel would turn its golden coat into a ceremonial weapon. The power these symbols were imbued with, even with their old purposes lost, were of great importance to the city’s stability.
Scenario:
Outside Los Fortuna’s Natural History Museum, Early Evening
In the blink of an eye, the attention of everyone within Los Fortuna had been turned to the natural history museum. That made sense, of course - considering the looming dark clouds containing the ghosts of the dead within them, the scuffles of the stand users outside of the building, and the vague knowledge that a ritual with the purpose of destroying fate itself was currently being performed within it, it would be out of the ordinary for people to not be paying it any attention. Even those who weren’t stand users that were up to date with the situation were drawn to it by the unusual level of activity surrounding it, from emergency services and VALKYRIE forces alike.
And then there was Bert. They were invested in the whole situation, of course - keeping up with the latest reality-breaking ancient rituals was the least that a wannabe god like them could do. Their status as an observer did raise a few eyebrows - they’d had to shake off both emergency service workers and VALKYRIE forces, who’d both taken the time to try and encourage Bert to leave the area for their own safety, clearly underestimating Bert’s own prowess.
Within the chaos, one could be excused for not failing to notice the drones Bert had been sending around to overhear and oversee it all. First, they paid attention to the chief of security at VALKYRIE, Ugo McBasie, who seemed to be getting interviewed by someone from the Fortuna Hermod, an ODIN-owned news publication (not their usual guy at scenes like this… Wonder what happened to him). Bert had heard that the man was a violent and irresponsible meathead who’d caused plenty of trouble in the past, but he seemed to be keeping a thin veil of professionalism for now. However, Bert couldn’t help but notice a young man in a blue aviator cap standing a few meters behind the reporter and staring daggers at him, perhaps keeping him in check somehow, occasionally piping in for comment about how it was all they could do to surround the place and wait for an opening if they didn’t want a meat grinder on their hands.
Meanwhile, Los Fortuna’s own city council chairman, Raymond Delwin Shimizu was discussing something of note with someone else, who seemed to have just finished an interview of his own. Bert didn’t recognize him, but the interviewer had called him “Chief Prosecutor Cavallo”, and she seemed as if she knew what she was talking about, so Bert opted to believe her. The interviewer, Jillian Something-or-other, had been running all over the scene, trying to get interviews alongside her oversized cameraman Bert recognized as having been that really huge cop who used to hang around Aurelio a lot of the time not successfully doing his job. Not worth Bert’s time.
Cavallo scratched his head in frustration. “Chairman, please tell me that you’ve made progress of some kind here...”
Ray shook his head. “Not much. That stand user that’s working alongside Jack Aurel, Akiko Mizushima, is making it impossible to get in - anyone we do send in is as good as gone. We haven’t even been able to get Admiral Pineapples out. Judging by your demeanor, I assume that the board hasn’t made much progress either.”
“No, doesn’t seem like it.” Cavallo let out a long sigh. “Every day, it’s just more and more work… Now we’re stuck having to deal with this. If nothing’s done, the board’s thinking it might very well cause a disaster unmatched by… Well, anything but the earthquake from thirty years ago. Something like this, bending the rules of the city, and breaking free from it… Los Fortuna’s probably not going to let that slide easily.” He shook his head. “Where the hell is the mayor through all this? Watching anime at home or something, probably.”
Ray remained silent for a bit, thinking to himself. “Well, we’ve got emergency services ready to act for now, and we’re working on evacuating any susceptible areas, but it only works so much.” Before Cavallo could respond, another reporter came up to Raymond, ready with a batch of questions for him. “Well, Cavallo, our work isn’t done yet, so let’s get to it. Saving as many people as possible here should be our utmost priority.” And with that, the two men parted ways for the time being.
Having listened enough, Bert began thinking to themselves. This was a tricky situation - they clearly couldn’t get in as is, but they certainly wanted to. Learning more about the situation at hand would improve their knowledge of the mechanisms holding Los Fortuna together, and gaining control over the ritual somehow would certainly be a feat befitting of a god such as them.
Bert stood in front of the museum entrance, taking another look at the chaos in front of them and continuing to think about the next step they’d take. So many different possibilities, so little time. They thought, and thought, and then one of their drones’ eyes glanced upon someone familiar - a blue haired, red eyed woman wearing a mask, trying to blend in and clearly resenting it, skulking around the perimeter of the area as though she, too, wished to enter.
Yet despite her efforts, Bert recognized her.
“Emilie ‘Dread’ Delacroix!” They declared it loudly, thoughtlessly so, approaching her with a hand raised. “Are you perhaps looking to find a crevasse through which to enter that place as well? It’s quite fortified, isn’t it?”
“Hm?” She wasn’t bothered by the way Bert drew attention to her, still wearing her same very extra outfit under the also quite extra hooded dark robe she was using to blend in. “Ah, pardon me dearly for having failed to notice you… You are Bert, from that incident where we fought on equal terms, yes?”
“I am that same Bert, Emilie ‘Dread’ Delacroix, yes. Though I doubt I could be much mistaken for others…”
“We are both quite conspicuous individuals, yes,” Dread said, taking the conversation into a nearby alley before VALKYRIE goons on the scene could prove it was her, “but no, I’m not terribly nonplussed about my abilities to infiltrate that place… Simply, I am attempting to assess the probability by which my approach itself, through the barricades erected, might occur. If your intentions happen to be helping me sneak through, then it is simply not necessary on any fronts… I have formulated a plan now.”
Dread, now appearing alone, walked through that alley curiously, looking around her and beginning to see her opportunity of approach - there appeared to be a side door there, at which a certain fish-themed hero was sitting outside, looking, Dread knew from their DMs, at funny images of her wife atop the T-Rex skull in the museum.
Yes, certainly, this would be-
“Whoa, hey, it’s you!”
Damnable. Had she been spotted, or..?
No, no, wait. The one speaking, a man also in this alleyway who smelled of cannabis, holding what looked like a GAP bag, was speaking to someone on the opposite side of it, disembarking from a sportbike and handing it to the rider, who was wearing a very ornate-looking golden sword which Dread had sworn she’d seen somewhere before.
“Thanks,” the Black Angel told this young man, accepting the bag and producing its contents - a Roman helmet and black bird-looking tokusatsu cosplay? “Green couldn’t make it himself, huh?”
“I made it,” the guy said, pointing proudly to himself, before blinking. “Oh, you mean like… Showing up. Yeah, no, there was a thing with a mammoth coming down from the mountains, he’s helping East deal with that. Feel like lighting up before you go in? It’ll take the edge off..!”
The rider removed their helmet, coincidentally perfectly timed for the strawberry-blonde with pale blue eyes to stare him down incredulously. “About a million people live on this island, Weedboy. Now is not the time…” The Angel ducked into the nearby building to change, finishing, “shit, yeah, it looks just like the Flying Men do… uh. you should get out of here now.”
“You kidding?” He asked. “I don’t wanna bow out right before it gets good! That’s, like, saying I think you can’t do it!”
Well, these two appeared distracted, so Dread would continue along her way, walking right past them and towards the blockade, towards where Jo was sitting casually, only to be interrupted by-
“Holy shit, it really is her! Stop right there, Dread!”
Oh boy, here we go. This had been happening more lately, since a somewhat frustrating individual went and opened his big mouth about her dangers on Bifrost. Turned out that the head of VALKYRIE was literally in the server, so now she had a bounty on her head after a modicum of investigation into her after that public statement, and her casual admittance thereof!
Two armored guards were pointing guns at her as she stood there, unfazed.
“Don’t come any closer!” One of them, an older woman, said, turning to her younger partner and quickly telling him, “if she approaches, open fire. She’ll eat you alive if not!”
“This again, are you being serious?” Dread was less than pleased. “I am evil, and a murderer, unrepentantly so, yes, but I do not eat people. This rumor is being so blown out of proportion that I find it quite tiresome.”
“F-fuck off and die!” The younger moved to fire his weapon, only to realize there was a knife through him, catching the gun by the trigger after running from his shoulderblade to his fingertip.
Dread didn’t need the help, but like a true friend, Kimijo Kaneko offered it anyway
“Wh-what the-” The older woman cursed as her partner was cut open and dropped. “Fucking useless moron! HEY, EVERYONE, KANEKO BROKE RANK AND DREAD IS HERE TO! NOW’S OUR CHANCE TO-”
The distraction, then, was all it took for Dread to take her first kill of the day. Of course it was fine. She read the news, she knew how these VALKYRIE people were literally at war with poor people.
“Sh-shit, those people just died! More VALKYRIE corpses, and Jo again..!” The stoner declared in the background, and the Black Angel, now dressed exactly like the birdmen many had seen before, paused in her efforts to run past the opening created by Jo breaking formation.
Nobody could hear it or see her lips move, but she apologized under her breath, clenching her fist, but the disguise had worked. 32 Footsteps, the primary guard which would warp away anyone who tried to enter, apparently had instructions to allow in anybody dressed like this, yet none of the intended recipients of this deliberate loophole made their way in.
“Dread, hello, friend!” Jo exclaimed in high spirits, sheathing her knife, but still speaking quietly as she hurried back into place, “good to see you!”
“Yes, it is most certainly fortuitous for us to encounter one another…” Dread agreed, walking and talking with her as the pair were watched in horror. “By any chance, may I come into this museum? I am absolutely curiously intrigued by what is going on within here…”
“Sure!”
A VALKYRIE sniper was taking aim at Dread, then, as she entered, muttering under her breath, “got a shot lined up… I can take her out, and Jo a second later! Two bastards out of the way, at least, and-”
“Wait,” the youth in a blue aviator hat and goggles, speaking as VALKYRIE’s tactician, instructed, “hold your fire.”
“Sir, she just made one of our senior officers fall into rotten pieces! She’s chatting it up with this fish-bitch like it’s nothing!”
“I know, and I’m appalled too, but I think…” The Blue Kid paused, contemplatively. “No, I know it. Dread is here to defeat John Aurel, just like the Black Angel.”
Spinning and pivoting through the air, “Lou” Reed, dressed like a dark, sixth Flying Man, landed atop the skull of the t-rex, which had apparently been adorned in a cute little pirate hat. It made for a fine vantage point, then, to look all over the halls of the Natural History museum, noting one, two, three, four spots, grotesque and morbid statues Remix had apparently erected of ghostly abominations.
She was exhausted, injured from the three-way skirmish she, Metra, and Oh No had been forced to undergo and riding like hell to get here, but she had made it this far, and others had managed to get in too. She couldn’t choke now.
Seven minutes… I’ll just have to destroy those, and be back here in seven minutes. Easy enough… I don’t think I’ve been-
“Green, Orange, and Purple… I don’t believe a ‘Flying Man Black’ was ever mentioned, nor that any of the brothers were into swords.”
Shit. That voice, too… Lou turned around, then, seeing someone standing behind her, a man with long dark hair, brandishing a hammer and looking up at her.
John “Jack” Aurel.
“Even if you are what you appear to be and not in disguise, you should realize that you aren’t welcome here. There’s nothing to be done in this museum worth dying for, and no way to accomplish any more foolish goal if I were to raise attention now. Care to waste some of the time you have left and explain?”
Of course this would happen. Lou removed her faux-beak, helmet, and goggles, staring down at him as her hair billowed in the ceiling fans’ wind. “Jack… I’ve come here to put a stop to this.”
“You’re that kid who’s always running around, huh?” Jack frowned, twirling his hammer. “I hear what you talk about through the grapevine… About how we’re all victims of fate, forced against each other by Gravity. That Stand Users are always going to be molded by this… You understand it too. You understand that people like us prey upon the weak, that it’s in our natures and our place in the world. I want to remove myself from that… Remove these people from that, and atone for what I’ve done.”
“By killing even more people! There’s no way they’ll get everyone away from your blast radius, and you haven’t even given them the chance to!” Lou protested. “It doesn’t have to be this way… Don’t say this is how it has to be! We can save this place, free everyone from gravity, without barreling towards its destruction! I don’t want to kill you, Jack. I want you to stop this crazy, self-indulgent crap and help me do something real!”
“You think everyone deserves this? That Stand Users will simply reform without this? The cycle has started, and it will push to the end even if the wave guiding it fades away completely… Bastards, the lot of us, and I don’t intend to run from what I’ve done. I’ll give you one chance to run away, kid… the worst I can call you is naive.”
Lou drew the golden blade, seeing Jack wince as he clearly recognized its significance, all as her Stand appeared behind her. “We both know I can’t do that, even if I can barely keep my balance up here. And hey, maybe I will die here… Maybe I am fated not to see this through. But then, someone is gonna finish this for me! Your security is already compromised!”
“Fascinating… And you are utterly convinced that, should it work, those he’s slain to commence this ritual to begin with will return outside the city?”
“Remix is full of himself,” Jo said, nodding quietly, “but he and Jack, they researched a lot… Akiko and I, for helping this finish, we can finally go home! Be done with the bad city…”
“She has made this place remarkably impregnable,” Dread agreed, thinking aloud, “anyone who waltzes in waltzes into her backrooms…”
“Unless they have a ‘pass!’” A voice from within Dread’s cloak spoke, and as Jo raised her knife at it in defense, the pure-white, terribly contorted form of Bert tumbled onto the ground, stretching and reshaping into their typical humanlike shape.
“Don’t worry, don’t worry, they are fine, with me!” Dread assured Jo, frankly thankful to have that weight literally off her back. Bert was very light, but even then it was hard to walk carrying someone, let alone not give it away. “We have… Some history, and so I thought I might as well indulge Bert’s request to see this place as well. I apologize for not mentioning earlier, but it was quite dire getting in here past guards attacking us.”
Jo didn’t seem to mind, continuing to lead the pair around, even passing Akiko who was casually, distractedly reading some manga while in a bit of a pirate mood.
They also passed by another scene, slightly more concerning, of an injured old man in a Hawaiian Shirt, close by the frontmost entrance of the place and clutching himself as his fleet of four Stand-starships remaining fired at Remix, who guarded against it with ghost-objects while a Flying Man Red tried to find an opening to strike.
“You’ve been at this for hours, old man, die already! You have no place in the world I mean to birth from your bloodied, pulped remains!”
Pineapples stood, then, leaning against the wall, trying not to show weakness.
“I think that guy is going to lose, at this rate… It’s a shame, too,” Bert, the loudmouth again, remarked. “He might have been a worthwhile pawn in wrestling control away from this operation.”
Dread, Jo, Remix, and Red all gave Bert simultaneous incredulous looks, all in completely unique ways.
Jo drew her knife again, about to transform, only to dodge out of the way of the injured ‘Lou’ Reed, blacked out, helmetless, being knocked away and into the floor, the shock of which made her rise quickly, feeling around. “Where’s the- Shit!” As she sat up, then, feeling around for the saber no longer in her possession, she noticed that she was smack in the middle of something else here.
Hurriedly, she rolled away, standing herself up and looking to the injured Admiral. “You… You’re one of those MFAs, right? How did you-?”
Weakly, he gestured to Remix. “He brought me here in a damned urn! I’ve been fending them off to buy others in the museum time to escape… Everyone in this hall here and Jack, those are the only ones left in the building, minus masses and masses of ghosts. They’re harmless, though… Don’t worry about them attacking unless that guy takes them.”
“I see…” Lou, then, smiled sadly, clutching her bloodied suit. She looked to Bert and Dread, then, moving to get between them and Jack’s incredulous accomplices. “You said you wanted to take him out, right? I overheard…”
“Well, Bert has let yet another cat out of the bag,” Dread admitted, “indeed, I came here with the intent of dethroning Jack Aurel before he had a chance to complete his little ritual. Few others would even be able to get in here.”
“So that’s my role, then…” Lou smiled, then, sighing, ducking out of the way of the Flying Man sending a kick her way, a gauntlet-clad arm emerging from her body, grabbing his ankle hard, and swinging him into the Jo who was shocked to hear Dread say that. “I can’t do anything about Jack… Too fucked up from that ED match…” She grinned, then, mouth bleeding as she stared Remix down. “But this old man and I can at least keep these assholes from interfering!”
Dread, then, watched passively as the five erupted into battle, she and Bert curious about what was to come as, from each hand, the Stand which emerged seemed to fire odd projectiles at their foes. “The ‘I’ll hold them off…’ You’re styling yourself as some sort of exceptional hero, aren’t you?” She seemed amused by that, the irony of their cooperation. “I’m evil, you know… And Bert, at least, is morally ambiguous. But if you’ve settled on putting the city in our hands, have you any advice?”
Over the sounds of laser fire, Lou quickly found time to answer, “yeah, there’s… I brought this golden ‘saber’ with me, and it must’ve fallen somewhere by the T-Rex… In, in a bit over six minutes from now, this ritual of theirs is gonna go through and rip this island open. Before that… They have these ‘failsafe’ statue things, and…” She took a breath, retracting and wincing from a blow her Stand had taken. “Look, I don’t have time to explain it, but you need to smash those up first! They’re there, made up of spirits fused together, to keep these guys safe from the consequences of their own actions… To ensure their safety, and at the same time act as a ‘failsafe’ for the ritual. Gives you the ‘power’ over it, too, in the way that right now Jack himself does… That’s important to stopping it. So you need to smash them first, and then, right as the time passes for the ritual, when the skull of the T-Rex in the center starts to split open and glow and its mouth starts gushing water… Embed the sword into the opening in its forehead, right as it starts to shape. That’s the only way to prevent this at this stage!”
“The forehead particularly, hmm?” Bert asked, pacing curiously and avoiding a cross split attack from Red, who barreled into Lou and was barely blocked. “Why there, per se? Why nowhere else on the thing?”
“Ngh..!” Lou grunted, saved from a follow-up by Pineapples. “I dunno, that’s just where you have to do it!”
“Black Angel… That’s what you’re called, yes?” Dread smiled, turning away. “You will be thanked for this victory… Try to live long enough to witness it firsthand, won’t you?”
“I’d… I’d love to,” Lou answered, smiling sadly, “for five years now, when I first learned there was anything worth a damn in this world, I’ve wanted to protect that… The dark pit of despair that was the first thirteen years of my life, and even so much since, I’d love nothing more than a world where no person is fated beyond impossible odds to suffer that.” She grew serious, then, raising her voice. “Go, now! Leave this to us!”
Bert and Dread approached the T-Rex, impressed at the amazing height and Akiko’s snazzy pirate duds upon the thing, the lab-grown being whistling with impression. “A T-Rex lived ‘til three-hundred years ago… Preserved whole, in this city. It’s astonishing, isn’t it, Emilie ‘Dread’ Delacroix?”
“A curious anomaly,” Dread agreed, examining it from afar, even noticing that alleged sword in the distance. “I wonder why it survived that long, so far after its brethren…”
“It’s because it was a ‘Stand User.’”
Jack approached from the same room in which Dread spotted glints of the golden saber, announcing his presence with that. “That was its ‘fate…’ A savage, cunning animal, ripped from where it belonged. to be a problem to solve and squabble over, to found this city on its literal bones.”
“John ‘Jack’ Aurel… You’d best stand down.” Bert, helpfully, started. “You cannot beat us… Even if we only had seconds to overcome you, I would be too much for you to handle!”
“No, he’s going to fight, I know it.” Dread, meanwhile, prepared Joywave, staring him down with a pointed, grinning lethality. “I suppose introductions are not necessary, with how Bert here loves to say my full name… I am not one to make things curt or brief, John, but consider yourself toppled, usurped, bloodied and dead.”
“The lab accident with a God complex and by far the worst, most grisly of Jo’s friends…” With no real amusement, no happiness in his eyes, Jack chuckled, looking them over. “Of course, right at the end, my final test isn’t some hero… It’s exactly the worst kind of Stand User! The apex predators that I’ve preyed upon, that stand in the way of saving everyone who’s died to reach this point! Of course it would be someone like me to gain entry, wouldn’t it?”
“You speak with such confidence you’ll raise the dead…” Bert was curious. “Even if it costs more lives, such a thing is… That is the realm of gods, John ‘Jack’ Aurel.”
“Not today it’s not,” Jack answered, twirling his hammer in his hand. “Both of you… You’ve been driven here, standing in my way, as agents of ‘fate’ itself. Isn’t that the reason you were ‘lucky’ enough to pass through our defenses… Because you were meant to stand here, and you were meant to watch as every horrible, cruel thing you’ve done amounts to nothing in the face of these circumstances.”
He looks the two intruders over with sympathy for a moment, before steeling himself and clenching his weapon, Stand appearing behind him just as stone-faced. “You may be the puppet of something beyond your control, but you must understand that I can’t let you ruin the plan I’ve bet my life on. I bear you no anger as people, but your role here is something I can’t ignore. I’ll waste our time no longer in arguing ethics, let there be no apologies or restraint until this is settled.”
The other conspirators had been instructed not to intervene if it came to this point, even if it risked the collapse of everything they had worked for. Not if it threatened lives. An enemy to make it this far was deserving of being dealt with reasonably. As the critical moment drew near, Jack readied all the fury that months of waiting had stored within him, and accepted that this may very well be his final true fight.
“Five minutes on the dot now, until ‘that time…’ If what the Black Angel said is true.” Dread looked to Bert. “What do you say we demonstrate incontrovertibly to John exactly how confused he truly is?”
OPEN THE GAME!
(Image credit to CaptainSpooky27!)
Location: A part of the Los Fortuna’s Natural History Museum. The area here is 75 by 75 meters with each tile being 5 by 5 meters. The ceilings here are 8 meters tall. The yellow tiles are the hallways and the green and purple tiles form the different rooms.
The white tiles have ritual shrines built on those areas. There are 7 shrines total and will be explained in further detail in the additional information.
The players start at the south of the map and Jack starts at the top of the map as represented by their tokens. The walls are represented by thicker borders and the dotted lines are the doorways.
At the top of the map, in the pink tile and yellow symbols, is the Golden Sword. It is currently pinned under 2 meters of rubble.
Each wing of the museum houses an exhibit, in the center is the main attraction a large T-Rex in display as denoted by the large grey circle.
The other exhibits are denoted by the letter on them:
  • G: The geologic exhibit, displaying and teaching about different rock formations and types
  • O: The two Oceanic exhibits, displaying the marine life and seabed of Los Fortuna.
  • C: The climatography exhibit, displaying the different temperature maps and features across Los Fortuna.
  • A: The Agricultural exhibit, displaying the various fruits and crops grown around Los Fortuna.
  • T: The two Taxidermy exhibits, displaying a wide range of animals in roped off and glass displays.
  • E:The Entomology exhibit, displaying photos and models of various bugs.
Goal: For the players, desecrate all the shrines and, when time runs out, have at least one of you, living and conscious, at the T-Rex with the golden sword in hand! For Jack, make sure the players don’t stop your ritual before it goes off!
The match will last exactly five minutes, unless of course players are dead before then. It doesn’t end just because players reach the goal.
Additional Information:
The shrines are 2 meter tall marked wood and metal structures, each having an strange carve effigy sitting in the center of them. In order to properly desecrate a shrine the players can do one of a few things, destroy the shrine outright, deface all the carvings made into the shrine, or destroy the effigy hidden within the shrine.
After destroying or defacing a shrine, the ghosts of the dead will begin harassing the players - three ghosts will move towards the player responsible for destroying the shrine (even in a situation where the stands are responsible: the ghosts will target Bert if a Perfect Hair minion destroys a shrine, and same for if anything affected by Joywave does so). These aren't strong, having flat 222 physicals and being partially see-through, but will increase in numbers as more and more shrines are destroyed. Strong enough hits can phase them out of existence, but they'll respawn ten seconds after at the spot that they previously were. They will go directly towards the players and can phase through any walls or objects that may be in their paths (but not out of any attacks), grabbing onto the players and trying to gang up on them once they're close enough to do so, dealing minor damage.
Team Combatant JoJolity
Red Carpet Rennaisance Emilie "Dread" Delacroix "Wow! It's a hand drawn original color illustration!" You’re a cultured woman, and this museum might very well end up being wiped off of the face of the earth quite soon, so you need to make the most of it while you still can! Make sure to visit and appreciate the various exhibits on display here! (Character Specific)
Suburban Regalia Bert "What a terrible person. If I wrote about someone like you, none of my readers would like it." So this man is playing at god, trying to control life, death, and fate themselves? What foolishness! Clearly, only you can do such things, and you do them best! Over the course of the strategy, prove your superiority to this “Jack Aurel“ and take him down a notch! (Character Specific)
??? Jack Aurel "Where the hell did you go?! Come out, you fucker!" It's now or never. This is the culmination of all of your plans, and failing is absolutely not an option here. During the fight, hold nothing back, and make sure to thoroughly defeat your opponents so that no one and nothing will ever stand in your way again!
(Jack sheet plain text version)
Link to the Official Player Spreadsheet
Link to Match Schedule
As always, if you would like to interact with the tournament community and be among the first to get updates for the tournament, please feel free to PM a member of our Judge staff for an invite to our Official Discord Server!
submitted by boredCommentator to StardustCrusaders [link] [comments]

Tips on being homeless.

Some tips on being homeless because who know's when someone could use a survival tip or two:
1- Never, ever, ever borrow or accept money from anyone on the streets no matter how hard up you are. You will be owned if you do. 2- Save on Foods, Mc Donalds, Walmart, A & W & Tim Horton's all have the best Wi-fi connection. 3- Condense your life into one back pack. Simplify, simplify, simplify. This will save you mentally and physically in the end. 4- Bear spray. That is all. 5- Invest in a $10 shower vinyl Coleman pack. Stick it in a back pack and fill it up in rest stops. It's $13 dollars to shower in hotels or truck stops and that can add up very fast. 6- Find places to sleep that are dark and you can tuck yourself in 7- If you have to sleep under a bridge, tuck yourself up high and wear all black to hide yourself out from late night people sketching out or wanting to fight or looking for trouble. 8- There will always be good people who come around in spite of your situation. 9- Coleman shower pack, Truck stops, hotels & motels, Rec centers & campgrounds are good places to shower. Rivers are great for bathing. 10- If you have wheels, you are so blessed. 11- It is easier to get into a shelter if you have kids 12-Even though they say no food in your room in the shelter, some rules are meant to be broken. A back pack is great for snacks lol 13-Carry a concealed key knife- yes a key knife - easy to hide and you'll be thankful you have one. Mine was given to me by a street warrior himself. 14-Homeless life becomes so hard that it is so easy to stay stuck. DON"T STAY STUCK. 15. If you have a vehicle the best places to sleep are casino parking lots, walmart parking lots, safe feeling communities, hotel parking lots, service road truck line ups, conservatory places, river sides, crown land, ice shacks 16- A lot of people do not have your best intentions at heart so be careful what you're doing and who you take advice from when you are feeling low. 17. Remind yourself only YOU have the power to get out of the situation, 18- Most cities have community support centers and places to get food and counseling 19- The food bank line is hell. But there is some food at the end of those long awful lines. 20- The dollar store fucking rocks for little gadgets and nic-nacks if you need to set up camp somewhere 21- Try and pack a tent and find a spot you won't have to move often. Moving is so mentally draining and exhausting. 22- Don't stick around too long in one place 23- Don't buy weed off the streets. DON"T, DON"T DO IT. Don;t buy anything from anyone.. don't. 24- Don't tell anyone how vulnerable you are. People prey like motherfuckers. 25- Make up wipes work great for wiping your hands and face to freshen up. 26- Always have your toothbrush and paste with you. When you feel tired you can brush your teeth as a psychological hack to make you feel more awake to keep persevering. 27- If a street person asks you for water, it's usually to shoot up, not drink. Don't judge these poor hurting souls and save your drinking water. 28- empathize, empathize, empathize. If you are reactive to everyone and everything or are judgmental, you are hooped. 29- Always watch your back. Always. 30- Smash the tops of feet and gouge eyes if you ever get attacked and don't be afraid to fight back. 31- If you are so lucky, spend time in nature if you can 32- writing and books are a good escape and easy to pack in your bag 33-Learn to love the body you were born in real fast because doing hair and makeup ain't a thing. 34- There is a lot of free clothing that get's given out at shelters 35- Stick to yourself. Better chance at getting off the streets. 36- If you need to warm your shower pack up faster stick it under your floor heater if you have a car. 37- Get your hands on a sleeping bag and foil emergency blanket somehow 38-Always look for the beauty in the moment. Everything is art. Everything. 39-Mindset is key. Your body will always give up before your mind does. Careful what you feed your thoughts 40- Never sleep in truck stop areas. You will be meat. 41- Not all medical professionals and staff in shelters are leading you down the right path. Be choosy if you can. 42- Learn to think for yourself or else you're fucked. Intuition baby. Intuition. 43- Plug ins are found outside gas stations and fast food joints and in picnic parks to charge your phone. 44- Picking bottles will get you money. 45- Learn to wear clothing you can wake up and go to sleep in. Trust me. 46- The river valley is a good spot to hide and set up camp without hasstle for the most part. Again, don't stay in one place too long. In BC there are a lot of meth labs in forrest areas. some in alberta crown land as well. be careful. 47- Don't listen to your music or you can't hear what is coming behind you 48- Vodka helps, be mindful on how much you're consuming and if you drink too much you will be off your game to stick up for yourself if need be. 49- Shelters are sometimes are rougher than the streets but gain you access to other supports if you can get in. It is NOT EASY getting into a shelter. 50- Keep your head held high and don't give a fuck about the judgement you will receive. People will be judging no matter what you do, so fuck it. Keep going. Keep fighting the good fight. Your situation does not define you and people who judge you and look down on you DO NOT matter :)
submitted by farfenuggen to lifehacks [link] [comments]

By combining the average scores from IMDb, Letterboxd, Rotten Tomatoes & Metacritic, and then fine-tuning the results with data from Letterboxd, iCheckMovies, TSPDT?, TMDb and IMDb, I was able to come up with the 1001 'GREATEST' MOVIES OF ALL TIME.

In 2015, I created a list titled, “Top10ner’s 1001 'Greatest' Movies of All Time” and many of you seemed to enjoy it and still use it today so I thought it was about time that I updated it..
The original 2015 thread can be found here as well as the initial update for those curious about the algorithm.
Basically I started off by gathering ratings from IMDB (UseCritic Average), Rotten Tomatoes (Tomatometer, Critic Average) & (Audience Score, User Average), Metacritic (Critic Average, User Average) and Letterboxd (User Average). Each site’s average rating was then weighted so that no site’s ratings were favoured above the rest. The next step was to make sure that each film was treated equally. Rather than eliminating films that had little votes, I opted to alter these films score by carefully deducting points depending on how many people have seen it, and therefore voted on it.
I then finally put the list through a final adjustment, where I applied aspects such as critical reception (# of official lists movie is in), audience reception and overall likability/popularity. These figures were determined using sources such as iCheckmovies, Letterboxd and TSPDT?.
I've created the following lists for both Letterboxd and iCheckMovies, as well as a Google spreadsheet where you can check out the full list and search for particular films easier.
Letterboxd - 2020 Edition: Top10ner’s 1001 ‘Greatest’ Movies of All Time
IMDb - 2020 Edition: Top10ner’s 1001 ‘Greatest’ Movies of All Time
iCheckMovies - 2020 Edition: Top10ner’s 1001 ‘Greatest’ Movies of All Time
Google Spreadsheet - 2020 Edition: Top10ner’s 1001 ‘Greatest’ Movies of All Time
ANYWAY, here is the 1001 ‘Greatest’ Movies of All Time. Enjoy! (NOTE: Could only include the first 750 movies due character limit)
RANK TITLE YEAR DIRECTOR
1 The Godfather 1972 Francis Ford Coppola
2 The Godfather: Part II 1974 Francis Ford Coppola
3 Seven Samurai 1954 Akira Kurosawa
4 Pulp Fiction 1994 Quentin Tarantino
5 12 Angry Men 1957 Sidney Lumet
6 Spirited Away 2001 Hayao Miyazaki
7 Schindler's List 1993 Steven Spielberg
8 Casablanca 1942 Michael Curtiz
9 Psycho 1960 Alfred Hitchcock
10 Goodfellas 1990 Martin Scorsese
11 Lawrence of Arabia 1962 David Lean
12 The Good, the Bad and the Ugly 1966 Sergio Leone
13 Singin' in the Rain 1952 Stanley Donen & Gene Kelly
14 City Lights 1931 Charlie Chaplin
15 Sunset Boulevard 1950 Billy Wilder
16 Apocalypse Now 1979 Francis Ford Coppola
17 The Shawshank Redemption 1994 Frank Darabont
18 Rear Window 1954 Alfred Hitchcock
19 Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back 1980 Irvin Kershner
20 2001: A Space Odyssey 1968 Stanley Kubrick
21 Citizen Kane 1941 Orson Welles
22 M 1931 Fritz Lang
23 One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest 1975 Miloš Forman
24 Vertigo 1958 Alfred Hitchcock
25 The Dark Knight 2008 Christopher Nolan
26 The Silence of the Lambs 1991 Jonathan Demme
27 Modern Times 1936 Charles Chaplin
28 Star Wars - A New Hope 1977 George Lucas
29 Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb 1964 Stanley Kubrick
30 Come and See 1985 Elem Klimov
31 Bicycle Thieves 1948 Vittorio De Sica
32 Tokyo Story 1953 Yasujirō Ozu
33 It's a Wonderful Life 1946 Frank Capra
34 Rashomon 1950 Akira Kurosawa
35 Once Upon a Time in the West 1968 Sergio Leone
36 Taxi Driver 1976 Martin Scorsese
37 Ikiru 1952 Akira Kurosawa
38 Metropolis 1927 Fritz Lang
39 The Passion of Joan of Arc 1928 Carl Theodor Dreyer
40 Alien 1979 Ridley Scott
41 The Third Man 1949 Carol Reed
42 All About Eve 1950 Joseph L. Mankiewicz
43 Fanny and Alexander 1982 Ingmar Bergman
44 Chinatown 1974 Roman Polanski
45 City of God 2002 Fernando Meirelles & Kátia Lund
46 Double Indemnity 1944 Billy Wilder
47 Paths of Glory 1957 Stanley Kubrick
48 Raiders of the Lost Ark 1981 Steven Spielberg
49 Andrei Rublev 1966 Andrei Tarkovsky
50 The Apartment 1960 Billy Wilder
51 Harakiri 1962 Masaki Kobayashi
52 Parasite 2019 Bong Joon-ho
53 The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring 2001 Peter Jackson
54 The 400 Blows 1959 François Truffaut
55 Stalker 1979 Andrei Tarkovsky
56 Some Like It Hot 1959 Billy Wilder
57 Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans 1927 F.W. Murnau
58 Pan's Labyrinth 2006 Guillermo del Toro
59 Ran 1985 Akira Kurosawa
60 Sherlock, Jr. 1924 Buster Keaton
61 The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King 2003 Peter Jackson
62 The Night of the Hunter 1955 Charles Laughton
63 A Separation 2011 Asghar Farhadi
64 Grave of the Fireflies 1988 Isao Takahata
65 North by Northwest 1959 Alfred Hitchcock
66 Persona 1966 Ingmar Bergman
67 Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 2004 Michel Gondry
68 Back to the Future 1985 Robert Zemeckis
69 The Battle of Algiers 1966 Gillo Pontecorvo
70 Toy Story 1995 John Lasseter
71 Raging Bull 1980 Martin Scorsese
72 8½ (Eight and a Half) 1963 Federico Fellini
73 Saving Private Ryan 1998 Steven Spielberg
74 On the Waterfront 1954 Elia Kazan
75 The Shining 1980 Stanley Kubrick
76 Three Colors: Red 1994 Krzysztof Kieślowski
77 The Great Dictator 1940 Charles Chaplin
78 The Wizard of Oz 1939 Victor Fleming, George Cukor, Mervyn…
79 The Wages of Fear 1953 Henri-Georges Clouzot
80 In the Mood for Love 2000 Wong Kar-wai
81 Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse 2018 Rodney Rothman, Peter Ramsey…
82 The Treasure of the Sierra Madre 1948 John Huston
83 The Seventh Seal 1957 Ingmar Bergman
84 The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers 2002 Peter Jackson
85 The Red Shoes 1948 Michael Powell & Emeric Pressburger
86 The General 1926 Clyde Bruckman & Buster Keaton
87 The Gold Rush 1925 Charles Chaplin
88 Touch of Evil 1958 Orson Welles
89 WALL-E 2008 Andrew Stanton
90 Aliens 1986 James Cameron
91 Wild Strawberries 1957 Ingmar Bergman
92 Paris Texas 1984 Wim Wenders
93 A Clockwork Orange 1971 Stanley Kubrick
94 La Grande Illusion 1937 Jean Renoir
95 There Will Be Blood 2007 Paul Thomas Anderson
96 Amadeus 1984 Miloš Forman
97 Annie Hall 1977 Woody Allen
98 Whiplash 2014 Damien Chazelle
99 Pather Panchali 1955 Satyajit Ray
100 Cinema Paradiso 1988 Giuseppe Tornatore
101 It Happened One Night 1934 Frank Capra
102 The Bridge on the River Kwai 1957 David Lean
103 The Lives of Others 2006 Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck
104 Terminator 2: Judgment Day 1991 James Cameron
105 Blade Runner 1982 Ridley Scott
106 Yojimbo 1961 Akira Kurosawa
107 Ugetsu 1953 Kenji Mizoguchi
108 Reservoir Dogs 1992 Quentin Tarantino
109 Memento 2000 Christopher Nolan
110 Princess Mononoke 1997 Hayao Miyazaki
111 Mad Max: Fury Road 2015 George Miller
112 The Pianist 2002 Roman Polanski
113 Wings of Desire 1987 Wim Wenders
114 The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari 1920 Robert Wiene
115 The Best Years of Our Lives 1946 William Wyler
116 Inception 2010 Christopher Nolan
117 Monty Python and the Holy Grail 1975 Terry Gilliam & Terry Jones
118 Fargo 1996 Joel & Ethan Coen
119 La Dolce Vita 1960 Federico Fellini
120 Oldboy 2003 Chan-wook Park
121 Nights of Cabiria 1957 Federico Fellini
122 Toy Story 3 2010 Lee Unkrich
123 Children of Paradise 1945 Marcel Carné
124 Gone with the Wind 1939 Victor Fleming,George Cukor...
125 Jaws 1975 Steven Spielberg
126 Das Boot 1981 Wolfgang Petersen
127 High and Low 1963 Akira Kurosawa
128 The Mirror 1975 Andrei Tarkovsky
129 L.A. Confidential 1997 Curtis Hanson
130 Unforgiven 1992 Clint Eastwood
131 Amelie 2001 Jean-Pierre Jeunet
132 My Neighbor Totoro 1988 Hayao Miyazaki
133 Barry Lyndon 1975 Stanley Kubrick
134 Le Samouraï 1967 Jean-Pierre Melville
135 Ordet 1955 Carl Theodor Dreyer
136 To Be or Not to Be 1942 Ernst Lubitsch
137 No Country for Old Men 2007 Joel & Ethan Coen
138 Solaris 1972 Andrei Tarkovsky
139 Coco 2017 Lee Unkrich
140 Your Name. 2016 Makoto Shinkai
141 Fight Club 1999 David Fincher
142 The Maltese Falcon 1941 John Huston
143 The Kid 1921 Charles Chaplin
144 Woman in the Dunes 1964 Hiroshi Teshigahara
145 Se7en 1995 David Fincher
146 Do the Right Thing 1989 Spike Lee
147 The Rules of the Game 1939 Jean Renoir
148 Aguirre: The Wrath of God 1972 Werner Herzog
149 The Grapes of Wrath 1940 John Ford
150 La Haine 1995 Mathieu Kassovitz
151 Once Upon a Time in America 1984 Sergio Leone
152 Throne of Blood 1957 Akira Kurosawa
153 Notorious 1946 Alfred Hitchcock
154 Badlands 1973 Terrence Malick
155 A Man Escaped 1956 Robert Bresson
156 Cool Hand Luke 1967 Stuart Rosenberg
157 Rosemary's Baby 1968 Roman Polanski
158 Before Sunrise 1995 Richard Linklater
159 The Lion King 1994 Roger Allers & Rob Minkoff
160 Before Sunset 2004 Richard Linklater
161 Rebecca 1940 Alfred Hitchcock
162 La strada 1954 Federico Fellini
163 Duck Soup 1933 Leo McCarey
164 The Deer Hunter 1978 Michael Cimino
165 Sansho the Bailiff 1954 Kenji Mizoguchi
166 The Philadelphia Story 1940 George Cukor
167 The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance 1962 John Ford
168 Die Hard 1988 John McTiernan
169 Brazil 1985 Terry Gilliam
170 Sweet Smell of Success 1957 Alexander Mackendrick
171 The Departed 2006 Martin Scorsese
172 Three Colors: Blue 1993 Krzysztof Kieślowski
173 The Last Picture Show 1971 Peter Bogdanovich
174 Rome, Open City 1945 Roberto Rossellini
175 Up 2009 Pete Docter & Bob Peterson
176 The Princess Bride 1987 Rob Reiner
177 Breathless 1960 Jean-Luc Godard
178 Dog Day Afternoon 1975 Sidney Lumet
179 Kind Hearts and Coronets 1949 Robert Hamer
180 To Kill a Mockingbird 1962 Robert Mulligan
181 Chungking Express 1994 Wong Kar-wai
182 The Conversation 1974 Francis Ford Coppola
183 Rio Bravo 1959 Howard Hawks
184 Full Metal Jacket 1987 Stanley Kubrick
185 The Handmaiden 2016 Chan-wook Park
186 A Matter of Life and Death 1946 Michael Powell & Emeric Pressburger
187 A Woman Under the Influence 1974 John Cassavetes
188 All the President's Men 1976 Alan J. Pakula
189 Portrait of a Lady on Fire 2019 Céline Sciamma
190 The Matrix 1999 Lilly & Lana Wachowski
191 12 Years a Slave 2013 Steve McQueen
192 Brief Encounter 1945 David Lean
193 Shoplifters 2018 Hirokazu Kore-eda
194 American Beauty 1999 Sam Mendes
195 His Girl Friday 1940 Howard Hawks
196 The Usual Suspects 1995 Bryan Singer
197 The Graduate 1967 Mike Nichols
198 Jurassic Park 1993 Steven Spielberg
199 Memories of Murder 2003 Bong Joon-ho
200 King Kong 1933 Merian C. Cooper & Ernest B. Schoedsack
201 Inside Out 2015 Pete Docter
202 Yi yi 2000 Edward Yang
203 Raise the Red Lantern 1991 Zhang Yimou
204 Rififi 1955 Jules Dassin
205 Blue Velvet 1986 David Lynch
206 Army of Shadows 1969 Jean-Pierre Melville
207 This Is Spinal Tap 1984 Rob Reiner
208 The Wild Bunch 1969 Sam Peckinpah
209 Witness for the Prosecution 1957 Billy Wilder
210 Battleship Potemkin 1925 Sergei M. Eisenstein
211 Strangers on a Train 1951 Alfred Hitchcock
212 The Searchers 1956 John Ford
213 The Big Lebowski 1998 Joel & Ethan Coen
214 Nosferatu 1922 F.W. Murnau
215 Network 1976 Sidney Lumet
216 The Hustler 1961 Robert Rossen
217 The Exterminating Angel 1962 Luis Buñuel
218 Days of Heaven 1978 Terrence Malick
219 Finding Nemo 2003 Andrew Stanton & Lee Unkrich
220 Heat 1995 Michael Mann
221 The Great Escape 1963 John Sturges
222 A Streetcar Named Desire 1951 Elia Kazan
223 Diabolique 1955 Henri-Georges Clouzot
224 The Sting 1973 George Roy Hill
225 Night of the Living Dead 1968 George A. Romero
226 The Thing 1982 John Carpenter
227 Mulholland Drive 2001 David Lynch
228 The Conformist 1970 Bernardo Bertolucci
229 The Grand Budapest Hotel 2014 Wes Anderson
230 A Brighter Summer Day 1991 Edward Yang
231 Monty Python's Life of Brian 1979 Terry Jones
232 Umberto D. 1952 Vittorio De Sica
233 Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? 1966 Mike Nichols
234 Stagecoach 1939 John Ford
235 Beauty and the Beast 1991 Gary Trousdale & Kirk Wise
236 The Big Sleep 1946 Howard Hawks
237 Inglourious Basterds 2009 Quentin Tarantino
238 Viridiana 1961 Luis Buñuel
239 Incendies 2010 Denis Villeneuve
240 The Terminator 1984 James Cameron
241 Bride of Frankenstein 1935 James Whale
242 Sullivan's Travels 1941 Preston Sturges
243 Playtime 1967 Jacques Tati
244 Ivan's Childhood 1962 Andrei Tarkovsky
245 Life Is Beautiful 1997 Roberto Benigni
246 Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid 1969 George Roy Hill
247 Manhattan 1979 Woody Allen
248 Trainspotting 1996 Danny Boyle
249 All Quiet on the Western Front 1930 Lewis Milestone
250 The Young and the Damned 1950 Luis Buñuel
251 The Elephant Man 1980 David Lynch
252 All About My Mother 1999 Pedro Almodóvar
253 Le Trou 1960 Jacques Becker
254 The Leopard 1963 Luchino Visconti
255 Laura 1944 Otto Preminger
256 Shadow of a Doubt 1943 Alfred Hitchcock
257 Mr. Smith Goes to Washington 1939 Frank Capra
258 Hiroshima Mon Amour 1959 Alain Resnais
259 Bringing Up Baby 1938 Howard Hawks
260 Out of the Past 1947 Jacques Tourneur
261 Anatomy of a Murder 1959 Otto Preminger
262 Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon 2000 Ang Lee
263 L'avventura 1960 Michelangelo Antonioni
264 Beauty and the Beast 1946 Jean Cocteau
265 The Hunt 2012 Thomas Vinterberg
266 Forrest Gump 1994 Robert Zemeckis
267 Ace in the Hole 1951 Billy Wilder
268 Late Spring 1949 Yasujirō Ozu
269 The Celebration 1998 Thomas Vinterberg
270 Au Revoir Les Enfants 1987 Louis Malle
271 Spotlight 2015 Tom McCarthy
272 Roman Holiday 1953 William Wyler
273 Amour 2012 Michael Haneke
274 Ali: Fear Eats the Soul 1974 Rainer Werner Fassbinder
275 Paddington 2 2017 Paul King
276 The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp 1943 Michael Powell & Emeric Pressburger
277 The French Connection 1971 William Friedkin
278 The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie 1972 Luis Buñuel
279 High Noon 1952 Fred Zinnemann
280 Akira 1988 Katsuhiro Otomo
281 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days 2007 Cristian Mungiu
282 Ben-Hur 1959 William Wyler
283 Let the Right One In 2008 Tomas Alfredson
284 Nashville 1975 Robert Altman
285 Room 2015 Lenny Abrahamson
286 The Adventures of Robin Hood 1938 Michael Curtiz & William Keighley
287 Jules and Jim 1962 François Truffaut
288 Good Will Hunting 1997 Gus Van Sant
289 Young Frankenstein 1974 Mel Brooks
290 White Heat 1949 Raoul Walsh
291 Short Term 12 2013 Destin Cretton
292 The Killing 1956 Stanley Kubrick
293 In a Lonely Place 1950 Nicholas Ray
294 Frankenstein 1931 James Whale
295 Secrets & Lies 1996 Mike Leigh
296 Django Unchained 2012 Quentin Tarantino
297 Call Me by Your Name 2017 Luca Guadagnino
298 Magnolia 1999 Paul Thomas Anderson
299 Being There 1979 Hal Ashby
300 The Manchurian Candidate 1962 John Frankenheimer
301 Paper Moon 1973 Peter Bogdanovich
302 The Shop Around the Corner 1940 Ernst Lubitsch
303 Halloween 1978 John Carpenter
304 The World of Apu 1959 Satyajit Ray
305 Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter... and Spring 2003 Kim Ki-duk
306 L'Atalante 1934 Jean Vigo
307 The Iron Giant 1999 Brad Bird
308 The Exorcist 1973 William Friedkin
309 Amores Perros 2000 Alejandro González Iñárritu
310 Central Station 1998 Walter Salles
311 Bonnie and Clyde 1967 Arthur Penn
312 Persepolis 2007 Vincent Paronnaud & Marjane Satrapi
313 The Best of Youth 2003 Marco Tullio Giordana
314 The Spirit of the Beehive 1973 Víctor Erice
315 Z 1969 Costa-Gavras
316 Underground 1995 Emir Kusturica
317 The Killer 1989 John Woo
318 Kes 1969 Ken Loach
319 Moonlight 2016 Barry Jenkins
320 Howl's Moving Castle 2004 Hayao Miyazaki
321 Her 2013 Spike Jonze
322 Requiem for a Dream 2000 Darren Aronofsky
323 The Truman Show 1998 Peter Weir
324 The Incredibles 2004 Brad Bird
325 Cries and Whispers 1972 Ingmar Bergman
326 Stand by Me 1986 Rob Reiner
327 Before Midnight 2013 Richard Linklater
328 Groundhog Day 1993 Harold Ramis
329 Little Women 2019 Greta Gerwig
330 The Social Network 2010 David Fincher
331 The Right Stuff 1983 Philip Kaufman
332 Get Out 2017 Jordan Peele
333 It's Such a Beautiful Day 2012 Don Hertzfeldt
334 Boogie Nights 1997 Paul Thomas Anderson
335 Fantasia 1940 Samuel Armstrong, James Algar...
336 Black Narcissus 1947 Michael Powell & Emeric Pressburger
337 Midnight Cowboy 1969 John Schlesinger
338 Children of Men 2006 Alfonso Cuarón
339 E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial 1982 Steven Spielberg
340 Toy Story 2 1999 John Lasseter
341 Leon: The Professional 1994 Luc Besson
342 Cabaret 1972 Bob Fosse
343 The Diving Bell and the Butterfly 2007 Julian Schnabel
344 Ratatouille 2007 Brad Bird
345 The Cranes Are Flying 1957 Mikhail Kalatozov
346 Day for Night 1973 François Truffaut
347 Withnail & I 1987 Bruce Robinson
348 Safety Last! 1923 Fred C. Newmeyer & Sam Taylor
349 The Umbrellas of Cherbourg 1964 Jacques Demy
350 Shaun of the Dead 2004 Edgar Wright
351 Song of the Sea 2014 Tomm Moore
352 Scarface 1983 Brian De Palma
353 Harold and Maude 1971 Hal Ashby
354 Platoon 1986 Oliver Stone
355 The Nightmare Before Christmas 1993 Henry Selick
356 Close Encounters of the Third Kind 1977 Steven Spielberg
357 Talk to Her 2002 Pedro Almodóvar
358 Wild Tales 2014 Damián Szifrón
359 Close-Up 1990 Abbas Kiarostami
360 Time of the Gypsies 1988 Emir Kusturica
361 Mary and Max 2009 Adam Elliot
362 The Return 2003 Andrey Zvyagintsev
363 Logan 2017 James Mangold
364 For a Few Dollars More 1965 Sergio Leone
365 A Prophet 2009 Jacques Audiard
366 La La Land 2016 Damien Chazelle
367 The Sound of Music 1965 Robert Wise
368 The King of Comedy 1982 Martin Scorsese
369 The Big Heat 1953 Fritz Lang
370 In the Heat of the Night 1967 Norman Jewison
371 Amarcord 1973 Federico Fellini
372 A Night at the Opera 1935 Sam Wood
373 Repulsion 1965 Roman Polanski
374 Freaks 1932 Tod Browning
375 Au Hasard Balthazar 1966 Robert Bresson
376 Downfall 2004 Oliver Hirschbiegel
377 Lost in Translation 2003 Sofia Coppola
378 Belle de Jour 1967 Luis Buñuel
379 What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? 1962 Robert Aldrich
380 The Circus 1928 Charles Chaplin
381 How to Train Your Dragon 2010 Chris Sanders & Dean DeBlois
382 Crimes and Misdemeanors 1989 Woody Allen
383 Breaking the Waves 1996 Lars von Trier
384 Brokeback Mountain 2005 Ang Lee
385 Steamboat Bill, Jr. 1928 Buster Keaton & Charles Reisner
386 Werckmeister Harmonies 2000 Béla Tarr & Ágnes Hranitzky
387 Greed 1924 Erich von Stroheim
388 Roma 2018 Alfonso Cuarón
389 Make Way for Tomorrow 1937 Leo McCarey
390 The Lady Eve 1941 Preston Sturges
391 The Straight Story 1999 David Lynch
392 Neon Genesis Evangelion: The End of Evangelion 1997 Kazuya Tsurumaki & Hideaki Anno
393 Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade 1989 Steven Spielberg
394 Peeping Tom 1960 Michael Powell
395 The Secret in Their Eyes 2009 Juan José Campanella
396 Cleo from 5 to 7 1962 Agnès Varda
397 Aladdin 1992 Ron Clements & John Musker
398 Rocco and His Brothers 1960 Luchino Visconti
399 Hannah and Her Sisters 1986 Woody Allen
400 My Darling Clementine 1946 John Ford
401 Avengers: Endgame 2019 Joe & Anthony Russo
402 Infernal Affairs 2002 Alan Mak & Andrew Lau
403 Patton 1970 Franklin J. Schaffner
404 Mary Poppins 1964 Robert Stevenson
405 Monsters, Inc. 2001 Pete Docter
406 Hunt for the Wilderpeople 2016 Taika Waititi
407 Children of Heaven 1997 Majid Majidi
408 Last Year at Marienbad 1961 Alain Resnais
409 Sanjuro 1962 Akira Kurosawa
410 1917 2019 Sam Mendes
411 Avengers: Infinity War 2018 Joe & Anthony Russo
412 The Tale of the Princess Kaguya 2013 Isao Takahata
413 Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri 2017 Martin McDonagh
414 Through a Glass Darkly 1961 Ingmar Bergman
415 The Thin Man 1934 W.S. Van Dyke
416 American History X 1998 Tony Kaye
417 Knives Out 2019 Rian Johnson
418 Orpheus 1950 Jean Cocteau
419 Evil Dead II 1987 Sam Raimi
420 Airplane! 1980 Jim Abrahams, Jerry & David Zucker
421 Red River 1948 Howard Hawks & Arthur Rosson
422 Rope 1948 Alfred Hitchcock
423 Y tu mamá también 2001 Alfonso Cuarón
424 Million Dollar Baby 2004 Clint Eastwood
425 Pickpocket 1959 Robert Bresson
426 Being John Malkovich 1999 Spike Jonze
427 The Cameraman 1928 Buster Keaton & Edward Sedgwick
428 Satantango 1994 Béla Tarr
429 Hard Boiled 1992 John Woo
430 Naked 1993 Mike Leigh
431 The Double Life of Veronique 1991 Krzysztof Kieślowski
432 Arrival 2016 Denis Villeneuve
433 Rushmore 1998 Wes Anderson
434 Sing Street 2016 John Carney
435 Rebel Without a Cause 1955 Nicholas Ray
436 The Lady Vanishes 1938 Alfred Hitchcock
437 The Last Laugh 1924 F.W. Murnau
438 The Green Mile 1999 Frank Darabont
439 Vivre Sa Vie 1962 Jean-Luc Godard
440 Spartacus 1960 Stanley Kubrick
441 A Hard Day's Night 1964 Richard Lester
442 Autumn Sonata 1978 Ingmar Bergman
443 Ghostbusters 1984 Ivan Reitman
444 The Hidden Fortress 1958 Akira Kurosawa
445 Capernaum 2018 Nadine Labaki
446 Mommy 2014 Xavier Dolan
447 Le Cercle Rouge 1970 Jean-Pierre Melville
448 Down by Law 1986 Jim Jarmusch
449 Stalag 17 1953 Billy Wilder
450 Boyhood 2014 Richard Linklater
451 Trouble in Paradise 1932 Ernst Lubitsch
452 Judgment at Nuremberg 1961 Stanley Kramer
453 Casino 1995 Martin Scorsese
454 McCabe & Mrs. Miller 1971 Robert Altman
455 The Prestige 2006 Christopher Nolan
456 The Irishman 2019 Martin Scorsese
457 Blade Runner 2049 2017 Denis Villeneuve
458 Faust 1926 F.W. Murnau
459 Marriage Story 2019 Noah Baumbach
460 Fireworks 1997 Takeshi Kitano
461 Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi 1983 Richard Marquand
462 Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind 1984 Hayao Miyazaki
463 Goldfinger 1964 Guy Hamilton
464 Gangs of Wasseypur 2012 Anurag Kashyap
465 Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs 1937 David Hand
466 Invasion of the Body Snatchers 1956 Don Siegel
467 Top Hat 1935 Mark Sandrich
468 The King's Speech 2010 Tom Hooper
469 Farewell My Concubine 1993 Chen Kaige
470 The Breakfast Club 1985 John Hughes
471 Wolf Children 2012 Mamoru Hosoda
472 The Sixth Sense 1999 M. Night Shyamalan
473 Boyz n the Hood 1991 John Singleton
474 In the Name of the Father 1993 Jim Sheridan
475 Gladiator 2000 Ridley Scott
476 The Phantom Carriage 1921 Victor Sjöström
477 Dead Poets Society 1989 Peter Weir
478 What We Do in the Shadows 2014 Jemaine Clement & Taika Waititi
479 The Birds 1963 Alfred Hitchcock
480 Moonrise Kingdom 2012 Wes Anderson
481 A Fistful of Dollars 1964 Sergio Leone
482 Kill Bill: Vol. 1 2003 Quentin Tarantino
483 Manchester by the Sea 2016 Kenneth Lonergan
484 Who Framed Roger Rabbit 1988 Robert Zemeckis
485 Almost Famous 2000 Cameron Crowe
486 Lady Bird 2017 Greta Gerwig
487 To Have and Have Not 1944 Howard Hawks
488 Kiki's Delivery Service 1989 Hayao Miyazaki
489 Kill Bill: Vol. 2 2004 Quentin Tarantino
490 Eyes Without a Face 1960 Georges Franju
491 Blazing Saddles 1974 Mel Brooks
492 The Sacrifice 1986 Andrei Tarkovsky
493 The 39 Steps 1935 Alfred Hitchcock
494 Donnie Darko 2001 Richard Kelly
495 Gone Girl 2014 David Fincher
496 Eraserhead 1977 David Lynch
497 Hero 2002 Zhang Yimou
498 Ghost in the Shell 1995 Mamoru Oshii
499 Miller's Crossing 1990 Joel & Ethan Coen
500 Meet Me in St. Louis 1944 Vincente Minnelli
501 Great Expectations 1946 David Lean
502 Contempt 1963 Jean-Luc Godard
503 Scarface 1932 Howard Hawks
504 Jeanne Dielman, 23 Quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles 1975 Chantal Akerman
505 My Left Foot 1989 Jim Sheridan
506 The Long Goodbye 1973 Robert Altman
507 Zootopia 2016 Byron Howard
508 Catch Me If You Can 2002 Steven Spielberg
509 Fitzcarraldo 1982 Werner Herzog
510 West Side Story 1961 Jerome Robbins & Robert Wise
511 All That Jazz 1979 Bob Fosse
512 Castle in the Sky 1986 Hayao Miyazaki
513 Kagemusha 1980 Akira Kurosawa
514 The Wolf of Wall Street 2013 Martin Scorsese
515 My Fair Lady 1964 George Cukor
516 Dunkirk 2017 Christopher Nolan
517 Guardians of the Galaxy 2014 James Gunn
518 The Lost Weekend 1945 Billy Wilder
519 The Intouchables 2011 Eric Toledano & Olivier Nakache
520 Nightcrawler 2014 Dan Gilroy
521 Short Cuts 1993 Robert Altman
522 A Silent Voice 2016 Naoko Yamada
523 The Innocents 1961 Jack Clayton
524 Nostalgia 1983 Andrei Tarkovsky
525 Mean Streets 1973 Martin Scorsese
526 Rocky 1976 John G. Avildsen
527 I Am Cuba 1964 Mikhail Kalatozov
528 3-Iron 2004 Kim Ki-duk
529 Dirty Harry 1971 Don Siegel
530 Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior 1981 George Miller
531 The Crowd 1928 King Vidor
532 The Triplets of Belleville 2003 Sylvain Chomet
533 Black Swan 2010 Darren Aronofsky
534 Mon Oncle 1958 Jacques Tati
535 The Piano 1993 Jane Campion
536 Ed Wood 1994 Tim Burton
537 Head-On 2004 Fatih Akin
538 Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban 2004 Alfonso Cuarón
539 The Insider 1999 Michael Mann
540 Forbidden Games 1952 René Clément
541 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 2011 David Yates
542 When Harry Met Sally... 1989 Rob Reiner
543 The Wrestler 2008 Darren Aronofsky
544 The Player 1992 Robert Altman
545 Inside Llewyn Davis 2013 Joel & Ethan Coen
546 Blow-Up 1966 Michelangelo Antonioni
547 The Remains of the Day 1993 James Ivory
548 The Man Who Would Be King 1975 John Huston
549 The Florida Project 2017 Sean Baker
550 Napoleon 1927 Abel Gance
551 Suspiria 1977 Dario Argento
552 Drive 2011 Nicolas Winding Refn
553 The Producers 1967 Mel Brooks
554 That Obscure Object of Desire 1977 Luis Buñuel
555 The Outlaw Josey Wales 1976 Clint Eastwood
556 Klaus 2019 Sergio Pablos
557 The African Queen 1951 John Huston
558 Ninotchka 1939 Ernst Lubitsch
559 Slumdog Millionaire 2008 Danny Boyle
560 My Man Godfrey 1936 Gregory La Cava
561 Dangal 2016 Nitesh Tiwari
562 Blood Simple. 1984 Joel & Ethan Coen
563 Interstellar 2014 Christopher Nolan
564 About Elly 2009 Asghar Farhadi
565 Hot Fuzz 2007 Edgar Wright
566 Johnny Guitar 1954 Nicholas Ray
567 Planet of the Apes 1968 Franklin J. Schaffner
568 The Quiet Man 1952 John Ford
569 Fantastic Mr. Fox 2009 Wes Anderson
570 Casino Royale 2006 Martin Campbell
571 Monsieur Hulot's Holiday 1953 Jacques Tati
572 Adaptation. 2002 Spike Jonze
573 American Graffiti 1973 George Lucas
574 Barton Fink 1991 Joel & Ethan Coen
575 Tampopo 1985 Juzo Itami
576 Little Miss Sunshine 2006 Jonathan Dayton & Valerie Faris
577 Edward Scissorhands 1990 Tim Burton
578 The Earrings of Madame de… 1953 Max Ophüls
579 Arsenic and Old Lace 1944 Frank Capra
580 Doctor Zhivago 1965 David Lean
581 The Virgin Spring 1960 Ingmar Bergman
582 Jean de Florette 1986 Claude Berri
583 Zodiac 2007 David Fincher
584 Aparajito 1956 Satyajit Ray
585 The Asphalt Jungle 1950 John Huston
586 Ex Machina 2014 Alex Garland
587 The Favourite 2018 Yorgos Lanthimos
588 The Royal Tenenbaums 2001 Wes Anderson
589 The Twilight Samurai 2002 Yôji Yamada
590 Pierrot le Fou 1965 Jean-Luc Godard
591 The Day the Earth Stood Still 1951 Robert Wise
592 Enter the Dragon 1973 Robert Clouse
593 Batman Begins 2005 Christopher Nolan
594 Hell or High Water 2016 David Mackenzie
595 Dersu Uzala 1975 Akira Kurosawa
596 Letter from an Unknown Woman 1948 Max Ophüls
597 Sleuth 1972 Joseph L. Mankiewicz
598 Whisper of the Heart 1995 Yoshifumi Kondô
599 Nobody Knows 2004 Hirokazu Koreeda
600 Glengarry Glen Ross 1992 James Foley
601 Dogville 2003 Lars von Trier
602 Nine Queens 2000 Fabián Bielinsky
603 The Sweet Hereafter 1997 Atom Egoyan
604 Dazed and Confused 1993 Richard Linklater
605 True Romance 1993 Tony Scott
606 The Great Beauty 2013 Paolo Sorrentino
607 Band of Outsiders 1964 Jean-Luc Godard
608 Eighth Grade 2018 Bo Burnham
609 The Killing Fields 1984 Roland Joffé
610 Once 2007 John Carney
611 The Artist 2011 Michel Hazanavicius
612 Sling Blade 1996 Billy Bob Thornton
613 Ferris Bueller's Day Off 1986 John Hughes
614 Dial M for Murder 1954 Alfred Hitchcock
615 The Farewell 2019 Lulu Wang
616 Limelight 1952 Charles Chaplin
617 Charade 1963 Stanley Donen
618 Prisoners 2013 Denis Villeneuve
619 Mildred Pierce 1945 Michael Curtiz
620 Kubo and the Two Strings 2016 Travis Knight
621 Winter Sleep 2014 Nuri Bilge Ceylan
622 Hedwig and the Angry Inch 2001 John Cameron Mitchell
623 Kiss Me Deadly 1955 Robert Aldrich
624 Pride 2014 Matthew Warchus
625 After Hours 1985 Martin Scorsese
626 East of Eden 1955 Elia Kazan
627 Mission: Impossible - Fallout 2018 Christopher McQuarrie
628 The Mother and the Whore 1973 Jean Eustache
629 Perfect Blue 1997 Satoshi Kon
630 The Blues Brothers 1980 John Landis
631 Elevator to the Gallows 1958 Louis Malle
632 Pain and Glory 2019 Pedro Almodóvar
633 The Fugitive 1993 Andrew Davis
634 The Vanishing 1988 George Sluizer
635 Hidden Figures 2016 Theodore Melfi
636 JFK 1991 Oliver Stone
637 Dancer in the Dark 2000 Lars von Trier
638 Don't Look Now 1973 Nicolas Roeg
639 Dallas Buyers Club 2013 Jean-Marc Vallée
640 Hotel Rwanda 2004 Terry George
641 Sense and Sensibility 1995 Ang Lee
642 The Avengers 2012 Joss Whedon
643 Vampyr 1932 Carl Theodor Dreyer
644 Twelve Monkeys 1995 Terry Gilliam
645 Rain Man 1988 Barry Levinson
646 Pinocchio 1940 Hamilton Luske & Ben Sharpsteen
647 The White Ribbon 2009 Michael Haneke
648 Zelig 1983 Woody Allen
649 The Magnificent Ambersons 1942 Orson Welles & Fred Fleck
650 Stranger Than Paradise 1984 Jim Jarmusch
651 Picnic at Hanging Rock 1975 Peter Weir
652 3 Idiots 2009 Rajkumar Hirani
653 Phantom Thread 2017 Paul Thomas Anderson
654 The Last Emperor 1987 Bernardo Bertolucci
655 Birdman 2014 Alejandro González Iñárritu
656 Day of Wrath 1943 Carl Theodor Dreyer
657 The Texas Chain Saw Massacre 1974 Tobe Hooper
658 Deliverance 1972 John Boorman
659 Gandhi 1982 Richard Attenborough
660 Warrior 2011 Gavin O'Connor
661 In Bruges 2008 Martin McDonagh
662 C.R.A.Z.Y. 2005 Jean-Marc Vallée
663 To Live 1994 Zhang Yimou
664 The Fly 1986 David Cronenberg
665 The Lego Movie 2014 Phil Lord & Christopher Miller
666 Volver 2006 Pedro Almodóvar
667 The Thin Red Line 1998 Terrence Malick
668 Our Hospitality 1923 John G. Blystone & Buster Keaton
669 La Notte 1961 Michelangelo Antonioni
670 The Holy Mountain 1973 Alejandro Jodorowsky
671 Malcolm X 1992 Spike Lee
672 The Dark Knight Rises 2012 Christopher Nolan
673 The Purple Rose of Cairo 1985 Woody Allen
674 Isle of Dogs 2018 Wes Anderson
675 The Lion in Winter 1968 Anthony Harvey
676 A Short Film About Killing 1988 Krzysztof Kieślowski
677 Black Cat, White Cat 1998 Emir Kusturica
678 Mother 2009 Bong Joon-ho
679 Snatch. 2000 Guy Ritchie
680 If.... 1968 Lindsay Anderson
681 Toy Story 4 2019 John Lasseter
682 Godzilla 1954 Ishirô Honda
683 A Short Film About Love 1988 Krzysztof Kieślowski
684 Intolerance: Love's Struggle Throughout the Ages 1916 D.W. Griffith
685 Carol 2015 Todd Haynes
686 Letters from Iwo Jima 2006 Clint Eastwood
687 Fiddler on the Roof 1971 Norman Jewison
688 Moon 2009 Duncan Jones
689 L'Eclisse 1962 Michelangelo Antonioni
690 Serpico 1973 Sidney Lumet
691 Porco Rosso 1992 Hayao Miyazaki
692 The Heiress 1949 William Wyler
693 Winter Light 1963 Ingmar Bergman
694 Cat on a Hot Tin Roof 1958 Richard Brooks
695 Elite Squad: The Enemy Within 2010 José Padilha
696 Deep Red 1975 Dario Argento
697 The Ox-Bow Incident 1942 William A. Wellman
698 Pride & Prejudice 2005 Joe Wright
699 The Blue Angel 1930 Josef von Sternberg
700 Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown 1988 Pedro Almodóvar
701 Three Colors: White 1994 Krzysztof Kieślowski
702 The Ladykillers 1955 Alexander Mackendrick
703 Breakfast at Tiffany's 1961 Blake Edwards
704 Lagaan: Once Upon a Time in India 2001 Ashutosh Gowariker
705 Baby Driver 2017 Edgar Wright
706 Iron Man 2008 Jon Favreau
707 Kramer vs. Kramer 1979 Robert Benton
708 The Martian 2015 Ridley Scott
709 The Bourne Ultimatum 2007 Paul Greengrass
710 Thor: Ragnarok 2017 Taika Waititi
711 Burning 2018 Lee Chang-dong
712 The Wind Rises 2013 Hayao Miyazaki
713 Jojo Rabbit 2019 Taika Waititi
714 Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, Part 2 2013 Jay Oliva
715 Cache (Hidden) 2005 Michael Haneke
716 Delicatessen 1991 Jean-Pierre Jeunet & Marc Caro
717 Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory 1971 Mel Stuart
718 Shrek 2001 Andrew Adamson & Vicky Jenson
719 A Christmas Story 1983 Bob Clark
720 The Life of Oharu 1952 Kenji Mizoguchi
721 Pandora's Box 1929 G.W. Pabst
722 Five Easy Pieces 1970 Bob Rafelson
723 Thelma & Louise 1991 Ridley Scott
724 Andhadhun 2018 Sriram Raghavan
725 The Big Sick 2017 Michael Showalter
726 Gilda 1946 Charles Vidor
727 Creed 2015 Ryan Coogler
728 Blue Is the Warmest Color 2013 Abdellatif Kechiche
729 RoboCop 1987 Paul Verhoeven
730 Shane 1953 George Stevens
731 A Face in the Crowd 1957 Elia Kazan
732 Moana 2016 Ron Clements & John Musker
733 Argo 2012 Ben Affleck
734 Gravity 2013 Alfonso Cuarón
735 BlacKkKlansman 2018 Spike Lee
736 I Am a Fugitive from the Chain Gang 1932 Mervyn LeRoy
737 The Magnificent Seven 1960 John Sturges
738 Run Lola Run 1998 Tom Tykwer
739 A Star Is Born 1954 George Cukor
740 Mystic River 2003 Clint Eastwood
741 Brooklyn 2015 John Crowley
742 The Ten Commandments 1956 Cecil B. DeMille
743 Miracle on 34th Street 1947 George Seaton
744 Into the Wild 2007 Sean Penn
745 This Is England 2006 Shane Meadows
746 Love and Death 1975 Woody Allen
747 Mustang 2015 Deniz Gamze Ergüven
748 Departures 2008 Yojiro Takita
749 Star Trek 2009 J.J. Abrams
750 Selma 2014 Ava DuVernay
Please let me know if there are any glaring omissions, mistakes, or possible bias, as well as any other feedback that you have that could improve the list. Thank you.
Extra Lists:
500 ‘Greatest’ Movies of the 21st Century
CRITIC EDITION: Top10ner’s 1000 ‘Greatest’ Films of All Time
AUDIENCE EDITION: Top10ner’s 1000 ‘Greatest’ Movies of All Time
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Behind the scenes: The hidden, high-stakes world of Hard ...

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hard rock casino room service

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